And I'm back.

5 days in the TdotOdot. Did we have fun? Oh yeah. C'mon, a day at the zoo (my highlight, the baboon - the girls' highlight, ice cream and waterpark); a day at Ontario Place (my highlight watching the girls' faces on the waterslide, their highlight, ice cream); a day revolving around navigating around Toronto to get to the CN Tower (my highlight, Jo and I getting f*&*ed out of $100 to see Toronto from high up; the girls' highlight getting as much swag as possible from my brothers' store); a day at Niagara Falls (my highlight getting real live mist on face from the Falls; I suspect the girls' had the same highlight, though we did have some pretty damn good ice cream at the end of the day) and a day caught in real, genuine Toronto long weekend traffic. There just aren't enough highlights to list about that :)

And so, we are home. And it is awesome to be home. The girls were actually quite homesick when we were away, which kind of sucked, but at the same time makes me warm and fuzzy inside because it confirms that they do love the home we have created for them and, even when presented with so much fun and excitement and Kraft Dinner, they still long for what they know.

Let me itemize what sucks about being home:

1) Ragweed. My abs literally ache from all the sneezing I've been doing, and I'm pretty sure my cop friend is questioning our friendship because I look so freaking red eyed and high all the time.

2) Insomnia. A week off is great, but with the return to work looming around the corner, I can't help but think of all the work and deadlines waiting for me. Allergies don't help, and Jo's strange not-a-snore sound he makes when sleeping doesn't help either. Huh.

3) Housework. When away from home, the house doesn't get dirty. Within five minutes of being home, I have dustbunnies mocking me, Leggo multiplying like a bad virus, and I'm pretty sure that everyone on my block is secretly dropping their laundry off at my house for me to do it. I'm just so sleep deprived, they can totally get away with it.

4) Back to school shopping. Why the hell can't I buy #2B pencils? No store carries just #2 pencils. And seriously, do no tell an ex-punk rocker what brand of pencil crayons/erasers/glue sticks to buy. That stinks of....I'm too tired to think of the work. It's like capitalist nepotism or something.

Okay, I think I've cured my insomnia for the night. Well, if your're reading this, I'm sure I've cured yours.

Other than that, it's nice to be home.

See you in a bit!

xMeanie

A nice story.

Last night Jo got a phone call. It was someone from a local drug/alcohol rehabilitation centre looking to sell a raffle ticket to raise money for the centre. Normally we don’t give money via phone or at the door. We have our system for dealing with charitable contributions that we are comfortable with. Well, this fellow was pretty personable and Jo got to chatting with him. He had our address from a mailing list and mentioned that he used to live in our area. He mentioned to Jo that he had a 4 year-old daughter with whom he was trying to establish a relationship with. That he is trying to mend things with own parents, especially his dad. That he has been clean, sober and cigarette free for 6 months now. Jo knew exactly who this kid and who was talking to. He was our old neighbor from our last neighborhood. He was pretty bad ass, but also kind and respectful to our family. Not so much to his own though. In fact, when we lived there, his parents looked completely defeated and consumed by him. And he brought some pretty scary characters through his parents home – never infringing on us, but scary nonetheless. I had pretty much written this kid off, thinking he was too far gone, and too “cool” to ever consider him rehabilitating himself. But, he is. I know the stats aren’t that great for recovery in addiction, but I hope he does it. At least a seed has been planted.

Jo bought a ticket.

Meanie’s Monday
Things I don’t like:

These new 100 calorie snack bags. If there are 100 calories in those little bags I’ve been consuming an easy 1000 calorie snack per snack attack.

Slow walkers. I don’t get it. Unless you have something preventing you from picking up the pace a little bit, I just don’t understand why one would choose to walk like a turtle on valium.

HomeSense picture frames or any glassware from there for that matter. They always put the price on the glass and it leaves an impossible, sticky residue behind.

The smell of my dishcloth when it gets “ripe”.

People who get excited over a spelling error when it’s obvious it was a typo “ummmm you spelled this wrong, Meanie” “oh really, gee, thanks for pointing that out, that is a vital part of our meeting today, pointing out spelling errors that mean absolutely nothing. Good thing we invited you here. Be sure to add that to the minutes Susan…” grrrrrr.

Being kneed in the stomach when I try to brush Edie’s teeth. They ain’t abs of steel y’know kiddo.

My hair when it is freshly washed. It needs a day or two to acclimatize and get drrrrty to do it’s thing.

People who say “Can I bug you?” What is the answer to this?

Hot dogs. Just don’t like them. They make my burps taste funny.

Donuts. I always feel like I’m scraping lard off the top of my mouth after I eat them (though I keep on testing for some reason).

Deodorizers used to cover up the poo-smell in public restrooms. You can still smell the poo, but you get the headache inducing stench of cheap perfume along with it.

That’s it for today. Next time maybe I’ll list things I like.

*i love this picture. i wish i could give credit where credit is due, but i just don't know where i found it!

In the VERY early morning....when you are on the brink of insanity from lack of sleep....do you ever want to reach deep into your partner’s throat and rrrrriiiiiippppp out their fucking uvula and feed it to crows that are also making it impossible to get any sleep?

Just curious.

Last night, this Meanie:




went to see this man:



But it felt like this kid:



was seeing her hero, all over again.



I love it when someone/something makes me feel 14 again.

Sympathy for the Devil.....

Today we rushed around like mad, getting a gift for Gracie's friend, who was having a birthday party today. We screeched into the parking lot at Science and Tech a few minutes late, only to be told that there was no party there for her friend. I triumphantly pulled out the invitation to show them that indeed the party was for.....next Saturday. The kicker? Grace smiled coyly and said she knew it was next week but she really wanted to go to the museum today.

Do I laugh? Cry?

I'm actually laughing, because I lied to them tonight and told them it was 8:30 (bedtime) when it was actually 7:30. The house is quiet and it's only 8:00.

Don't mess with the Master Gracie, I will always win.

So, grocery shopping tonight, I forgot the damn bins and enviro bags. I ALWAYS forget them. Then I buy more enviro bags, and now I have a kajillion of them, sitting in the back of the mini-van, with severe complexes, wondering why I always forget about them. Anyhooo, tonight I decided to stick it to Mother Nature a little bit (she is causing all this rain after all) and go with old fashioned grocery bags. Then at the check out, I saw them peeking out at me. Not white plastic bags, no non no no, I saw some kick ass, old school, pulpey smelling paper bags. I semi-whispered to the check out girl "paper please". She looked at me like I knew something, like I belonged to a secret society, a secret society that knows about the paper bag option. My groceries neatly fit into 4 strong, minimalist paper bags. I ran from the store, worried that the manager might see me, and realize the horrible mistake that was made, in letting a mere civilian get away with these precious paper bags.

I loaded up the van, screeched out of the parking lot, and now the fun begins.

GAAACKKK! Do you remember how much freaking fun paper bags can be? Hellloooo, you can turn them into masks, if you are 3 yrs old you can turn them into full body suits. You can decorate them with stickers, you can tape streamers to them. You can draw HILARIOUS faces on them, you can twirl ribbon and tape it on top and make hair. You can stick pipe cleaners in them and make pokey hair and fake eyelashes. You can glue tinfoil on them and make robot heads (or, again, if you are 3, a whole robot body). There is no end to the fun!

Betcha you all wanna be at Meanie's house this weekend for some paper bag fun!

On a more serious note, what is the bigger crime now, using paper bags and killing trees, or using plastic ones that will sit in a landfill til the end of time? Just curious on what the latest is.

I Did It My Way…..

Our girls are proud, card carrying members of the soother brigade. While Grace is now retired from the soother world, she was active in the community until five years of age. We are now gently nudging Edie towards retirement as well. At 3 ½, we figure it is time for her to give it up. We weren’t so worried about Grace, as she had knocked out her front teeth by the age of three, but Edie has all her teeth still and we don’t want them affected.

The soother is only used at night, when she is falling asleep. In the past, when Edie succumbed to sleep, I gently popped the soother out, and it dangled from her p.j.’s on one of those clips in case she needed to find it at night (with the hope that she wouldn’t holler for me to help her find it).

We have been talking to Edie a lot lately about giving it up, and she wants no help from us (I have suggested making offerings to fairies, mailing it to a new baby who might need one and even offered a….wait for it….puffy stickers! in exchange for the damn thing). However, without our help, I have been witnessing Edie putting herself through the most gradual of withdrawal programs, and she is having plenty of success with it.

In the morning, the soother is hidden under the pillow for the day (before, I had to remove it altogether so she wouldn’t sneak out for a pre-sleep nip). She pats the pillow and says goodbye to it for the day. There are periodic checks during the day, to make sure “Mommy hasn’t taken it away”, but no sucking. At night, she refuses the clip, insisting on “free sucking”, where the risk of losing the soother is the greatest. However, the latest step in the withdrawal program would appear to be removing the soother right before falling asleep and tucking it under her pillow ‘til morning. She is going through the night without her trusty soother. I am so impressed with this self-imposed program of hers. Grace ended up having to do the chicken and go cold turkey when she gave it up. Edie’s method is a kinder, gentler way of doing things.

I can just picture her being the most popular drug counsellor of her day, with stints on Oprah explaining her method:

1) Don’t let Mommy hide it
2) Hide it under your piwwow
3) Just use a little bit of it when you weally weally HAVE to
4) Soon you will be a BIG BIG BIG girl/boy and…no more dwugs!

(p.s. – please don’t tell me that she is too old to be using a soother, I am too old to be laughing at fart jokes and I still do, it’s just how we roll)