Monday, April 18, 2011

Quickly, before my arm siezes:

1) Last night Jo and I were conversing at the dinner table, ignoring the girls to best of our ability until we heard Grace say to Edie: Hey, it's like soft porn! SCREEECH! What was that? Turns out she was eating a croissant like corn on the cob and actually said Hey, it's like soft cornas in corn on the cob. What a relief, I haven't gotten to that chapter in the parents manual yet.

2) I was called home on Thursday to pick up a teary Edie (they actually put her on the phone so I could hear how pathetic she sounded - emotional blackmail). Apparently she just wasn't herself and the school thought I should come an get her. The real story? She had punched herself by accident when trying to unjam a rogue zipper and this upset her terribly (the confession came bedtime when I coudn't figure out what the hell was wrong with her. It was only after she had been given jello, medicine, 1/2 a Tums and an extra book and extra snuggle to make her feel better that she enlightened me).

3) The girls' fighting reached a new low this weekend when they were stacking pudding containers into various shapes and fighting over who's turn it was/who did a better job etc etc. I looked at the Wii, the My Little Pony Crystal Castle and Lego sets and cried a little.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Can't post. Arm hurts. Typing is torture. Send help. I need a robot arm. My body has been compromised. Gaaaaaah.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Stretched a little thin but liking it.....

I picked up a contract a couple of weeks ago. And it looks like I am about to be engaged to do another one. Yes, I still work at my day job, and these contracts are done early weekend mornings when the kids tend to ignore me over SpongeBob’s incessant chatting anyways and Jo prefers Suduko and coffee over my company, so why not get paid to do something I love?

Something has to give though. It was going to be my bass lessons, but last night I learned I Wanna be Sedated by the Ramones, and the rush that gave me, well, I don’t think I can part with that. I would quit my day job, but I don’t like Kraft Dinner THAT much. I could get rid of a child, but that would leave the other one all anxious and weirded out that they could go next. I could get rid of both kids, but then the house would feel too big and decadent for just Jo and I. I could get rid of Jo, but he takes out the garbage and separates the raw chicken I buy in bulk to put in the freezer (ugh, can’t touch raw meat without gagging). I could give up my morning runs, but I really like them and fear the wrath of my ass if I gave them up (and who’s kidding who, that’s what goes first when I’m feeling tired). I could give up making dinner every night, but I draw great sadistic pleasure from sneaking cauliflower and tofu into the kids food and watching them eat it up. I could give up some of the girls’ activities, but to be honest, I like them because they come home physically exhausted and fall asleep more easily than usual. I could give up supervising and forcing homework time after school, but then they might fail academically and end up living at home forever because they can’t get a job adn they would be socially awkward and old enough to drink my wine. I could give up Facebook, but (oh shit, lightning just struck! How did Mark Zuckerberg do that?!)

Anyways, maybe I’ll give up my subscription to Us magazine. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

How do you do it all?