Friday, January 21, 2011


I love grapefruit. I do not love grapefruit and coffee. Which puts me in a pickle and forces me to redefine grapefruits as a breakfast-y thingy.

I am on day 21 of my no-sugar/no booze "lifestyle" change. (All the experts say not to call it a diet and I like experts to tell me what to do, so...) I feel REALLY good. I mean, when Edie is headlining, in marquis lights "The Shit Show" at dinner time, I still kinda shake for a glass of red, but other than that it is going really well. The sugar thing astounds me - I'm pretty sure I had more sugar than water in my body over xmas, and now I don't even crave it. The "experts" are right. Feb. 1 marks the end of the "lifestyle" change, I'm really curious how that will go. Will I revert to old habits or cruise along as I am now?

Oh! I should mention as a result of this "lifestyle" change I nearly called 911 the other morning when I looked in the mirror and saw a dent it my stomach, and then realized that I wasn't broken, but an ab muscle had revealed itself! Sweet!

And now I bring you to the literary portion of our program *putting smart glasses on*

'Twas my quest in the new year to be well read, and pursue literature like Lindsay Lohan pursues coke (see how I did that? That's called a simili, you should put your your smart glasses on too).

Turns out you need time to read, which I don't have a whole lot of. So, I discovered books on CD, which I listen to on my commute to and from work. So far this year I have enjoyed:

I'm Down a Memoir by Mishna Wolf (realllllly funny)

The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe by Randy Taraborrelli (kinda sad, but super interesting)

Symptoms of Withdrawal by Christopher Kennedy Lawford (v. interesting look at the Kennedy's - definitely does not shed positive light on them)

High on Arrival, by Mackenzie Philips (scandalous!)

Dispatches from the Edge by Anderson Cooper (hmmm, thought provoking)

All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriott (awwww, tee hee, cleans my brain after listening to Mackenzie Philips)

Into the Wild by John Krakauer (turned it off, much better to read than listen to)

Wolf of Wall Street by Jordan Belfort (currently listening to this - I pray for traffic jams. Sooooo good)

If you have any recommendations, books you think would transfer well onto audio, please let me know *smart glasses coming off*. I do like smut, so I won't judge if you suggest Tommy Lee's autobiography or something.

There. Random.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I think I have figured out what Edie has been put on earth for. Now that William Shakespeare is dead (well, it has been a few years) it occurs to me that we don’t have a great writer of tragedy. I suspect Edie is Shakespeare incarnate, but with a modern vocabulary (and slight lisp due to missing teeth). Who else could spin the mundane into epic tales of being wronged? Some examples:

1) When informed it was Grace’s turn for her skating lesson and not hers, the tears flowed, the whining built up to a climax of “THIS IS MY WORST SKATING DAY EVER!”

2) When informed her DS had to be recharged and would not function until recharged, the tears again flowed, and the whining progressed to crying and finally peaked at “THIS IS MY WORST DS DAY EVER!”

3) When having her teeth brushed, with a parent holding her little jaw still (this is a jaw that never stops, yes, it is necessary to hold it still) the sessions ends with a brief soliloquy of “IT FEELS LIKE YOU BROKE MY BONES!!!”

4) When denied a pit stop for hot chocolate for some misdeed, I’m pretty sure there was a Greek chorus in the minivan supporting her cries of “MY HEART IS TURNING BLACK! NOW IT’S TURNING GRAY! NOW IT’S TURNING YELLOW! NOW IT’S TURNING RAINBOW!” (We made the mistake of saying that it was nice that her heart was turning rainbow, this amped up the tears tenfold).

So, Edie is just cutting her teeth at being a great playwright. Maybe it’s not too early to get her started. I can just picture an audience of dressed up 5 year olds tearing up at the great injustice of being denied hot chocolate/DS/skating lessons/Max and Ruby.

*Oh and hey! Thanks for de-lurking! Always fun to get comments.

Friday, January 14, 2011

So a certain loyal reader (Holla C.D.!) complained that my frequency in posting is on the decline. I complained in my best whiny voice (he loves that) that nobody leaves me comments, nobody likes me, and I might as well go eat worms (oh WHERE does Edie get her dramatics from?)

It happens to be International (or National? Local? I dunno) De-Lurking Day. So give me the warm and fuzzies, say hi to would make me feel so good. And it will stop me from whining (well about blogging, I will still whine about lots of over things. I have a very hard and difficult life you know).

I am also including a picture of myself with a laser eye that I will cut you with if you don't leave a comment. *shiver*

Friday, January 07, 2011

And we’re off!

2011 is going to be my bitch. Well, that is the intent. The Meanie household has declared the month of 2011 to be “Dry January” in which no booze is consumed and no sugar ingested. I said it. It’s out there. Now that the DT’s are gone and I don’t want to lick sugar off of Grace and Edie’s fingers after they eat a cookie, I feel pretty good. And I’ve de-puffed. I’m not sure if any actual weight has fallen off (not the goal, really) but I’m not as puffy and squidgy. So, I don’t imagine my social life will be killer this month (hey, a sober Meanie can be fun, please still invite me places! I might suck on your wine cork though).

Early to bed is also part of the agenda, which I’ve been following but it’s really hard. Santa bought me Room which I have a VERY hard time putting down at night in order to achieve 8 hours sleep, and we were also given the entire series of 6 Feet Under. It is so hard to stop at one episode when all those little boxes are crying out to be watched. Discipline Meanie!

We also got all growed up over the holidays and bought a dresser for the Master Bedroom (sounds very important when in capitals). Seriously, my clothes were in plastic storage containers before. We also bought a bed frame for our bed, in the Master Bedroom. And curtains! And one of those blankets that goes on top of your real blanket, but you don’t actually use it, it just looks pretty. Our Master Bedroom looks like the Master Bedroom of 30/40 somethings now – not so college. Dare me to buy some useless pillows for the bed – just dare me to! I got a HomeSense gift card for Christmas and I’m not afraid to use it.

So we are off to a nice, healthy start. Oh, just so you don’t think I’m all full of myself and stuff I’m still a bit of a f*&^-up because:

a) I brought my laptop home over the holidays to do some work and forgot it at home on my first day back and

b) Yesterday I was pulled over by the police at a major intersection and......actually, that’s another blog post. Still too traumatized to write about it :)