Wednesday, July 23, 2008

I've been so sick! Stomach flu! Head cold chest cold flu-like symptoms! Gaaack! Don't worry, I'm okay, just really pathetic and full of self-pity (from which I have learned, family members assume if you feel sorry for yourself, there is no need for them to feel sorry for you as well).

Soooo, instead of Meanie Monday, we'll do Weanie Wednesday.....(I'm stuffed up, so it kinda sounds like that anyways).

Things that my parents told me/have done to me that still haunt me to this day:

1) If I pick at my scabs, a big red line will go from the scab to my heart, and I will have to get a big needle in my bum.

2) Tomato cans, soup cans, all cans are DEADLY SHARP DO NOT TOUCH I REPEAT DO NOT TOUCH!!!! (I still get a little scared when I have to deal with opening a can).

3) It's not good to bring warm water to a boil. Only cold water will do.

4) The soundtrack to Endless Love is innapropriate and the record sleeve pictures are pornagraphic.

5) My parents picking me up early from a birthday party when they heard that Porky's was the featured movie of the night.

6) My dad driving me and some very cool punk rock friends to a punk gig one night, called the band we were seeing "Stinky Socks" (it was actually GBH we were seeing).

7) My Mom, visiting me at university, upon seeing a boy putting the moves on me, announces to the table in a shrill voice: "He takes liberties with my daughter!" (why yes, my mom is from the Shakepearean era).

8) Again, my mom, using the words panties and slacks, liberally, and instead of saying Tiger says Tager.

I bring this up because today I used #1 on Grace after a vigorous scab picking session. It's a slippery slope from here folks.

Did your parents scar you with their strange notions?


Jobthingy said...

i cut my thumb on a can lid tonight! LOL. i am sitting here laughing my fool head off.

ok its not a deadly wound and my thumb is still intact, if fact there wasnt even blood. more like a paper cut, but you know from a deadly can.

my mother used to tell me it would cut my finger OFF.

and listen. i use 'panties' all the time. i dont use slacks tho.that will maybe be next week cause that will be after my birthday LOL

alison said...

Never pee in a public pool. They put a chemical in the water that will turn bright red and everyone will know you peed.

Don't make that face. If the wind changes suddenly it will freeze your face like that....FOREVER.

XUP said...

you don’t know from scary stories until you’ve spent half a lifetime with my mother. She has a veritable goldmine of bizarre superstitions that haunt me to this day. 1) Don’t eat during a thunderstorm. Seriously, if a storm started during supper, we all had to stop and do something else. 2) Don’t drink water after eating pitted fruit or you’ll die during the night (she had true-life anecdotes to back this up. 3)If you’re sledding and fall off the sled you won’t feel you internal injuries because of the cold and will die during the night (a) more true life anecdotes to back this up; and b) it’s a wonder I ever got any sleep). 3) Never have plants in your bedroom because they’ll suck all the oxygen out of your room while you’re sleeping and suffocate you. 4) Close all your curtains tight during a full moon because if the moon shines on you something awful will happen to you (I’m not clear on exactly what. 5) Never eat anything with poppyseeds because you’ll become addicted because they have morphine in them. 6)Never do laundry on New Year’s Eve and don’t leave any dirty laundry around or clothes hanging up from the old year to the new or someone in your house will die in the new year (more true life anecdotes). I think that’s enough to give you a general idea.

meanie said...

jobthingey - perhaps we should go au naturel and never buy canned goods again! hope your finger is okay!

alison - of course! the frozen face story! in our house in was square eyes from watching too much t.v.

xup - errr, i'm not too sure what to say to you :)

jennyjag said...

You are very funny. Thanks for being a big meanie. I can relate - I have 2 boys.
Hope you feel better.

Carrie Wilson Link said...

Love the list! Everything was worshipping false gods in our house - scary stuff!

Kia said...

LOL Thanks for the giggles!

My Hubby was told number one; that he always needed to look for a red line going from a cut toward his heart, 'cause if it did, there was infection and he was surely close to death!

I was told number two and three. Bloody soup cans. Pun intended.

This was a very funny post! :)

Anonymous said...

OMG, I loved this post!!!!

My mom used the word "brassiere" and it still makes me squirm with embarrassment.

"You look like someone pulled you through a knothole!" she would say.

The red line to the heart was a classic.

When my mom found out about my tattoo, she told me how disappointed she was because "your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit."