Thursday, April 19, 2007

Memo to Edie’s tooth

It’s time we had a talk. Everyone says my obsession with you is a little crazy, but I just don’t understand why you won’t come out and meet us. Edie could use your help when trying to chew her food. I know you are there. I see you when I make Edie open her mouth so I can monitor your progression; I feel you when I stick my finger in Edie’s mouth and probe for your whereabouts; I have been hearing you when Edie has been crying out at 2:00 in the morning due to the discomfort you cause. I taste you – actually, no I don’t, that’s just gross.

Anyways Tooth, you have been threatening to come out since December, you keep teasing us with your trips to the surface of Edie’s gum line, only to retreat just when we think are finally going to come out. Edie should have a full grill by now and focusing on being the best damn two year old around instead of waiting around for you. C’mon Tooth, you’re going to fall out in a couple years anyhow, why not make the most of your time in Edie’s mouth? A lot of your other friends have already come out, and I think they are having a good time! The central incisors are firmly planted, the molars have already beat you out, your twin on the left joined us a long time ago, so why oh why do you insist on dragging this out? Are you scared? Don’t be! Just because sand and my very expensive face cream are just two of the unusual things that Edie puts in her mouth, we always brush your friends at the end of the day to get rid of anything that might compromise their whiteness.

Edie’s Grandfather (a retired dentist) tells me to chillax (my word, not his). I guess I should, but in my world everything has a place, and Tooth, you’re just not following the rules!

No comments: