TWO APPLICATIONS TO MENSA PLEASE

Sometimes I think we don't stimulate our girls enough. You would not imagine the excitement and heart palpitations, and yes, fighting, one little change in the mini-van caused on Friday. Was it a new video console? Nope. Was it a hotly desired big-girl booster seat for Edie? Nope. Was it a much desired leapord-print steering wheel cover for Meanie? Alas, no. It was this:

With the warmer weather arriving, the smell of rotten snacks was starting to repulse me, so I bought a tacky little air-freshener to take the edge off. Well, I have never been bombarded with so many questions about a scented piece of cardboard (to be truthful, I have never, ever been asked about scented cardboard). Can I touch it? Can I smell it....WHAAAA! UP CLOSE! I WANT TO SMELL IT UP CLOSE! What is it made of? Can I lick it (actually, Grace is the only one who asked, Edie went ahead and sampled it without asking (WHAAAA! IT TASTES YUCKY! I NEED JUICE!) Can I colour it? Do you have more? How long will we have this? Do other people have these? Are there other "flavours"? Can I bring to Show-and-Tell? I think you get the idea.

Jo and I are planning a 13 hour road-trip this summer. I'm thinking that after the titallation this freshener caused, if I stick a bobble-head on the dashboard, that just might be enough to keep our girls occupied for the whole trip.

Confessions of a Consumer

At the beginning of this week (and yes, I realized it is only Wednesday), I decided to try to spend nothing. Zip. I took inventory of the fridge and cupboards and decided that we had the necessities of life and no trips to the grocery store would be required. Let’s review how I am faring so far.

Monday:

Ahhh, this should be easy. We are spending a good part of the day in car driving home from a weekend at a friends ski chalet. Ooooh, there’s Tim Horton’s. I could really go for a coffee – no, wait, I want an Ice-Cap! Shit, the kids have spotted Timmy’s out the window too. They want Timbits. No. Must. Not. Stop.

Phew! Made it home without spending a bean. Time to get ready to go out to my parents place for my Mom’s birthday dinner. Birthday dinner. Shit. I haven’t bought her a present yet. And off we go to Chapters to buy an overpriced card and gift certificate. 1 point for capitalism.

End of day, fairly satisfied with the outcome of the day. Birthdays are sort of out of my control, right?

Tuesday:

This is gonna be a breeze. I’m at work all day and I’ve packed my lunch so there is NO excuse to spend. Except I really need a coffee. That’s excuseable,right? and I’ll buy Fair Trade to be a responsible consumer.
Oops, BlackBerry is buzzing. Oh, a reminder for a farewell lunch for a fellow employee today….at a restaurant. Okay, I just won’t buy anything too expensive. There that will definitely be IT for the day.
Okay, just worked out after work and showered and I don’t have any deodorant, I’ll just run to the store and grab a stick, I mean, I can’t be stinky, right?
*the rest of the day is omitted to save myself embarrassment. I will just say that one stick of deodorant cost me approx. $55 at the grocery store*

Wednesday:

My confidence is a little shaken, but I can do this. Today will be the day I don’t spend a bean! (I have decided that coffee doesn’t count, it falls under the Necessities of Life category).
Okay, at work, it’s BUSY! Good, good, this will keep me from spending any money. Wait a sec, I’ve got mail. Oh, it’s from my housekeeper reminding that she is coming tomorrow morning to clean. She likes cash only. And she reminded me that last time she was over she used up all the Toilet Duck. Grrrr. To the bank machine I go. Then Zellers. Focus Meanie focus, you are here for Toilet Duck only. And that cute pair of RayBan knock-offs and a half-price Cadbury’s Easter Cream Egg.

I suck….and Jo just called to say we are out of milk.

Two things I NEVER thought I would do:

1) Cook Hamburger Helper (I hope my Mom isn’t reading this) – it's really good though!

2) Say the following to the girls, in a sing-song voice, calling them for dinner when they were playing:

“Girls! Time to close the imagination station!”

Ugggh! Who says shit like that? When I hear people talk like that my ears bleed a little.

Note to self: get another tattoo and toughen up

I never blogged Gracie’s birthday!

I have to admit that when I was pregnant with Grace I did have Martha Stewart visions of perfection dancing in my head. Clean white linens, peaceful naps together and an immediate bond for life. Well, overwhelmed at what had just happened, six years ago I was in a hospital, teary and tired, and wondering just how I was going to cope with this little bundle. How could I possibly be responsible for this life. Already I had been told by some not so nice nurses that my decision not to nurse was equivalent to giving my first born Macdonalds fast food. Ouch. Not a good start. When we brought Grace home, the endless gifts of flowers kept arriving, and all I could think was I couldn’t even get my shit together enough to change the water of the flowers, how the hell was I going to look after a baby? The postpartum blues kicked in. Those cold dreary months of February found me feeling quite cooped up and alone, anxious for myself and my baby. Then one day, and I remember this so clearly, finally needing to get out of the house, I nervously strapped Grace into her stroller, looked down at her inquisitive little eyes, and told her that we were going for a walk. I remember that walk so well. I remember singing a little song to her that I had made up when she was born. Grace looked at me and cracked one of her first, beautiful, gummy smiles. That is when I realized it was going to be okay, that I could do this job. It wasn’t going to be easy, but, this ex-wild child did have a maternal bone in her body. In fact, I tried to let the instincts flow from that day forward. Rather than throwing my arms up in despair when she cried, I made it my mission to determine what those cries meant. Rather than staring at her when she was sleeping, anxious for what I was going to do with her when she woke up, I tried to revel in the peaceful, sleeping Grace, and look forward to her waking to watch her take in the world.
I have to admit, Grace has never been the easiest kid in the world. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have moments of envy when I see other more compliant kids with their parents. However, I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t think our daughter rocks. Grace takes on the world like nobody’s business. The first in the pool and the last one out. The first one up the ski hill and the first one down. I have never seen a kid take such joy in the simple act of running, seemingly amazed at just how fast her powerful legs can take her. I also love who this kid surrounds herself with. Wait, let me re-word that. I love who surrounds Grace. Grace has been embraced by so many different groups of kids, and she seems to happily float from one group to the next, not relying on any one or two kids for her social life. These past two weeks, we are also witnessing the miracle of her reading her first words…watching her sound out the words, and the look of joy on her face when she conquers a particularly difficult word is truly a gift for me.
I had been complaining about lack of sleep lately, Grace has been troubled with nightmares. I recently took Chantal’s suggestion and put a little mattress on the floor where she can come and crash if she needs to be near us. And you know what? Taking a chapter from my post partum days, I also now revel in the peaceful Grace sleeping, and sincerely look forward to her waking up and taking on the world again and again.


That little song? I still sing it to her, I know she will soon think it is silly and stupid, but I don’t care, I’ll keep singing it .

“Her name is Grace, Grace,
With the beautiful face, face,
What a beautiful nose,
Those,
gorgeous eyes!And what lovely smile,
That’s my Grace...”

Shark attack!

Kids, like animals, are intuitive. Adults, like boulders, generally are not.

So, it was our last day on the beach. Everyday up until then, Grace had been body surfing, wave jumping, reveling in being allowed to spit without getting in trouble (salt water, whatta are ya gonna do?) In fact, braver than I, she kept pushing to go farther and farther out into the great blue sea, but we generally reigned her in it at about fifteen feet to twenty feet.

The last day there, our flight was at 3:00 p.m. We woke early to get one last swim in before packing it all up. The girls ran down to the beach, and Grace raced to the water – Edie completely ignored it and got busy digging in the sand, refusing to go in. As quickly as Grace ran in, she ran out again, heading back to the sand and started to dig. I asked her why she left the water. Very casually, she said she saw a shark. I don’t think I said that that was ridiculous, but I don’t think I did much to validate her claim. I muttered something about it being a shame that nobody would swim on our last day there, but didn’t push the issue.

Fast forward to the next day, when were home in Ottawa, we got a call from the in-laws. The late afternoon that we left, looking out from the balcony of their condo, they saw two sharks, fifteen to twenty feet from shore, exactly where had been playing for past five days.

*SHIVER*

No wonder Grace is having nightmares!

We now interrupt your regular programming….


I am humbled. I need your help. I need help with a six year who is waking every night claiming nightmares. A six year old who wants to climb into our bed every night around 2 a.m., which would be fine, but this six year old is a restless sleeper, like a dolphin out of water, she is so strong and solid, that when she flails around it really affects my and Jo’s sleep. There is no gentle rubbing of her back to try and get to go back to sleep in her bed – nosiree, there are full on tears, wailing, forcing us to comply with her demands so she doesn’t wake up the three year old (who can be a fragile sleeper at times as well). My compassion for her is giving way to anger as I am starting to feel like I am being played. She can’t tell us what these nightmares are about, and no reassuring appeases her. She just wants to be in our bed, between Jo and I.
Any advice? Do I bribe her? Threaten her? Gag her? Don’t make me call Nanny 911!

Surprise! We're Going to Disney!

That Tuesday morning, I joined the family at the breakfast table and announced that I didn’t feel like going to work that day. Jo agreed that he too didn’t feel like working. We asked the girls if they felt like going to school (of course, the one day we wanted them to say no, they said yes!) I then asked them if they would like to go to the Broccoli Patch (noooo!) What about the Brussel Sprout Factory (nooooo!) Then we threw it out there – how would they like to go to DisneyWorld? Well, we didn’t get the reaction we anticipated (Edie continued enthusiastically slurping her Cheerios, oblivious to what Disney is) and Gracie was wary of this big announcement. She actually said to me once on the airplane “Nowww I believe you Mommy!” Ahhhh, the trust we instill in these children!

And so, we spent two and half days frolicking within the Happiest Place in the World. We stayed at a place called Wilderness Lodge (part of the resort). There was a nice big pool and slide there, and fire works in the evening – a great way to ease into our visit. I’m pretty sure our little munchkins thought that Wilderness Lodge was Disney in its entirety and they would have been satisfied with that. Well, weren’t they in for a surprise when we ferried over to the park the next morning and hit the ground running.

Grace was slow to start, a little unsure of all the excitement around her. She soon got into the groove though, clutching her little autograph book and getting all the Disney characters to sign it and posed for pictures with them. Edie retreated to her stroller for the photo ops, entirely creeped out by these non-talking giant cartoon characters.

The rides rocked. Grace was big enough to go on Splash Mountain, and it was quiet enough that she got to do it twice. We did it’s a Small World (Edie’s favourite – it is kinda endearing!) We also did Snow White (really scary, the cause of many nightmares to come, I’m sure)! Pirates of the Caribbean was okay, though I’m not sure I understand all the hype. Mickey’s Toon Town was a hit with both girls, short line-ups for everything there. We also did the frontier looking roller coaster (fun!) and some futuristic Buzz Lightyear kind of rides. There was also a little cloud of mist that the girls found and frolicked in for a good hour – Jo and I looked for a little cloud of beer to frolick in, to no avail.

We ended up watching the parade both days – I have to admit, I stared at those actors hard, trying to get them to crack the happy facade – I just wanted some kind of indication that Ariel could possible be suffering from killer PMS underneath that smile or that Peter Pan was arrested for a DUI the night before and covering up his bleary eyes with Visine. Nothing. Damn their good. I even got swept up the happiness of it all, this ex-punk rock girl humming along to some song about believing in myself and all my dreams coming true. And, more importantly, the girls ate it all up.

There were some aspects I didn’t like about it – like the little girls in the princess dresses with their hair extensions done and glitter all over their body, being pushed around the park by their parents. They looked so….entitled. I also felt really overwhelmed by the park in itself (and we just visited the Magic Kingdom!) I couldn’t stop thinking about how one man’s idea turned into something so big and so expensive and so over the top, and the number of people involved, the security, everything. I’m not criticizing it, I’m just amazed at how efficient and purposeful it all is.

The girls were pretty amazing. I had been warned that they may be over-stimulated and may breakdown. They didn’t. They were troopers, and didn’t beg for any extras (we did buy them Mickey Mouse ears though!)

Oh, one other thing I didn’t like – their version of Mac and Cheese. Ewwww. The girls wouldn’t touch it and I don’t blame them.

Phew. Disney has now been blogged. There you go A&J! Stay tuned for SHARK! As per anonymous’ request…..

While I'm trying to figure out what to blog about, bigger, more important things in the world are happening.

Teach your kids respect, understanding and empathy. Shit like this shouldn't happen.

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2008/02/a_tragedy_that_should_never_ha.php

http://www.rememberinglawrence.org/

I'm BAAAAAA-AAAAACK!

I have so many things to blog about, and I'm a little bit ADD right how (self-diagnosed after spending a week in the States and seeing way too many commercials for medication for said ailment: scattered, yup, unable to focus, check, trouble sleeping, yup, trouble deciding what to blog about, yup).

Sooooo, because I opted to not medicate myself (didn't like the sound of the side-effects of some of the meds - particularly "watery bowls" - loved the way the announcer tried to race through that particular side-effect) I was wondering if y'all could help me choose what to write about first:

1) Grace's birthday

2) Edie's birthday

3) trip to Disney

4) days spent on the ocean

5) shark sighting

6) flight home (actually, not sure if I'm ready to re-visit that one yet)

So. What should I attempt to focus on first?

A trip to Billings Bridge

The idea:

Pick the girls up from day-care, go to Billings Bridge (our local mall where mostly seniors hang out) and get Gracie some new shoes and treat the girls to dinner at McDonalds.

The actuality:

Pick-up Grace first, who is quite excited about the proposed shoe trip. Pick-up Edie who immediately begins to whine for home because she is tired. Tears. Poor thing. I compromise and promise that she can go shopping in the luxury of the stroller (I never pull that thing out these days!) Happiness. We get to the mall, the girls are hungry, we head upstairs to Mcdonalds. Edie sees the escalator and starts to pitch a fit because she wants to go on it instead of the elevator. I say no because the stroller can’t go on the escalator. Tears. We compromise with the promise that Edie can press the buttons on the elevator. Happiness. Grace buds in front of us and presses the buttons on the elevator. Tears. We get upstairs and I have no cash and McDonalds’ debit is down. Have to go back downstairs to the bank machine. More tears over the escalator being denied, but Grace is kind enough to let Edie press the buttons. Money acquired. Back upstairs, by now girls are conditioned to the elevator. Get to McDick’s and debit is now working (grrrrrr). Girls pick out toys they want in their Happy Meal, only to be told that only “Boy” toys are left. Tears. They get their food and I stop the tears by letting them have juice with dinner (a HUGE deal in our family). Happiness. Edie my picky-eater insists on rubbing her fries on the table before eating them. I insist that she stops. Tears. I give her some juice. Happiness. Girls want to go on mechanical horse, I tell them they can but the *horse is broken* so they can just pretend to ride it. Happiness. Some dick-head comes by and says he wants to give his little girl a ride, sticks her on and pops some loonies in and off she goes. Tears, And now meanoldmommy is a meanoldlyingmommy. I tell them we can go down the escalator now. Happiness. I am holding the stroller, Edie’s hand, and Grace decides that she is too scared to go down without a hand too (normally she is fine). I tell her no, I have to hold the little one’s hand and bring the stroller down. Tears. But she sucks it up and goes down. Happiness. We get to the shoe store. Edie immediately starts trying on shoes. I tell her that we are here for Grace. Tears. Helpful shoe person tells me that there is a buy one get one ½ price deal. Happiness. Girl measures Edie’s feet, she is size 8. I have been putting her little sausages into size 6 shoes. Tears (me for being a bad mother). Edie gets new Dora shoes. Happiness. Grace gets new gold and pink shoes. Happiness. We traipse off to get ice-cream. Happiness. Grace has to the bathroom. I’m non-commital. She tells me it’s #2. Tears. We go off to find washroom, but Edie wants ice-cream now. Tears. We find the bathroom. Happiness. Both girls use the facility. Happiness. We go get ice-cream – a cone for me and Grace, a bowl for Edie. . Edie wants a cone too. Tears. I give her mine. Happiness. The girls work out their sugar-high by dancing in the lobby of Billings Bridge. Lots of old people are very happy watching them. So am I.

So, do you remember this post?
Well, to summarize, I hate Bratz. Grace was on board with that, but as of late she has been softening towards them. I’ve made it pretty clear that I won’t buy her anything Bratz related. Yesterday we were going shoe shopping, and we were talking about what kind of shoes to buy. She quietly said Bratz shoes, looking at me sheepishly. I took a deep breath and explained that Mommy wouldn’t be buying her Bratz shoes – then I asked her why she likes Bratz so much. Her answer? “Because Mommy, Chloe looks just like you and I love you so I love her!”
Strangely, that is one of the sweetest things I think she has ever said to me.
Crop-tops and lip injections, here I come!

Mirrors should think longer before they reflect. ~Jean Cocteau

The great thing about going to Florida this time is year is that winter is half over and it provides a much needed break from the Season That Sucks Ass.

The not so great thing about going to Florida this time of year is that my skin has had about 4-5 months to incubate a pasty-white shade that might inspire Benjamin Moore to name a paint after me (who wouldn’t want to paint their walls a solid shade of “Cadaverous Karen”???)

I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some self-tanning. Did you know that you can’t slather on self-tanner like you would your moisturizer? I’m the kind of gal who likes to beat personal best times of moisturizing – if I can get it done in under a minute, I’m high-fiving myself in a steamed up mirror. Well, apparently after reading the self-tanner bottle, you need to exfoliate (huh?) moisturize (whaaa?) then rub the self-tanner on in small, even circles around your body (d-oh!) Talk about high maintenance! My steps involved washing myself with shampoo (couldn’t find soap) and then deducing that the self-tanner would have moisturizing elements to it thus eliminating the need to moisturize. I guess that’s why my body looks like caramel swirl ice cream this morning.

So. Two questions: 1) How do get rid of the brown ripples from my body and 2) Tanning beds or Mystic Tan?

Thanks Alison for allowing to me hone my lazy side. Copying directly from her, see below:

"It's the mp3 player oracle. The rules: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING."

How does the world see you?

Barbie Girl by Tsunami Bomb
(I wonder if that‘s why no one takes me seriously at work!)

Will I have a happy life?

Still in Hollywood – Concrete Blonde
(hmmm, I may win that Oscar yet!)

What do my friends really think of me?

Freedom – George Michael
(Cool)

Do people secretly lust after me?

Heartbreak Hotel – Elvis Presley
(uh-huh)

How can I make myself happy?

The KKK Took My Baby Away – The Misfits
(but I love Jo! And there’s no KKK in Ottawa, is there?)

What should I do with my life?

Oh Boy – Buddy Holly
(yup, that’s what I say!)

Will I ever have children?

Kickstart My Heart – Motley Crue
(hmmm, guess that’s I got two kids in the first place!)

What is some good advice for me?

Fergilicious – Fergie
(ah yes, the much respected life-coach known as Fergie )

How will I be remembered?

Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
(happy happy memories!)

What is my signature dancing song?

Bad Reputation – Joan Jett
COOL!

What do I think my current theme song is?

Renegades of Funk – Rage Against the Machine
(Really?)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

*this is so embarrassing*
Stars are Blind – Paris Hilton
(no comment – too busy deleting song from MP3)

What song will play at my funeral?

Suspicious Minds – Elvis Presley
(geez!)

What type of men/women do you like?
I’ve Got My Friends – Ducky Boys
(hmmm, simply stated)

What is my day going to be like?

Ending of a Story – Neverending White Lights
(but I just woke up!?)

Awesome. You (yes you) should do this. Email me/post the results.

Psssst….Can you keep a secret?

So the girls’ birthdays are coming up, Feb. 20 and Feb. 21st (go ahead, insert the “we have sex once a year” joke here). The gift this year? A trip to Disneyworld in Orlando. Yup – two days in the Magic Kingdom courtesy of my great in-laws. The kicker? The girls know nothing about this trip. Nor will they know the ultimate destination until we drive in the Happiest Place in the World. This will be Edie’s first plane ride and Grace’s 2nd (she traveled with us to New York City when she was just shy of a year). I have been instructed to pack nothing for the girls, as my mother-in-law has been down south for a month now and has pretty much bought out Target of their 3 year old and 6 year old clothes. After Disney, we drive to West Palm Beach for 5 days in a condo on a beach. How awesome is all of this?

A few questions:

1) Are we freaking crazy for springing this on the kids? I think it’s a hoot, but that’s coming from a 35 year old gal who likes surprises. Do almost 3 and almost 6 year olds like big surprises like this?

2) Once in the Magic Kingdom, any things to avoid? What are the not to be missed things?

3) The plane ride is only three hours, but any ideas to keep the girls busy for the flight?

We are so lucky and fortunate to have the opportunity. My first trip to Disney was when I was 11 and I was a little old for “It’s a Small World”. It was still fun, but not quite as magical as it would’ve been if I was younger.

Put down your glass of milk!

Do you like Sarah Silverman? Do you like Matt Damon (you will after this!)? Do you like the f-word?

Put your headphones on if you are at work, put earmuffs on the kids if you are at home, this is the funniest thing I've seen this year!

(I guess this can be used as evidence that I look at Perez Hilton)

Play Date-Gate – the Great Debate!

Most days when I pick up Grace from day-care, I have to scrape off a half-dozen or so extra kids who want to come home with us. They then all ask simultaneously when can they come to Gracie’s house for a play date. I have to shake the last kid off my leg and make a run for it before another one suckers on.

I find the whole concept of a play date kinda weird. Especially as a working mom. I haven’t seen my kid all week, and on the weekend, I don’t feel super-great about sending her off to a friends house for an afternoon. I know SHE would probably rather be at a friends house playing, but I would rather her at home with us. I could invite her little friends over to our house, and I have done so countless times, but again, as a working mom, I have to pack a lot into the weekend (cleaning, making meals, etc etc). Sometimes holding court over a gaggle of five year olds doesn’t fit into the schedule (or jive with a possible hangover). And, there are also the personality types of the kids, some kids can be pretty high maintenance. I have them pretty much broken down by category:

1) The Klinger – this is the child who would rather be with me than my child, much to my child’s disgust.

2) The Big-Sister Wanna-Be’s – these are the girls who would rather hang out and nurture Edie (Grace’s little sister) than play with Grace.

3) The T.V. Watcher – these are the kids who would rather sit in the basement, glued to the idiot box, much to Grace’s chagrin.

4) The Idle Threat Kid: this is the kid who marches upstairs every two minutes threatening to go home if she doesn’t get the nicest Barbie, do the puzzle she wants to do, get to wear the prettiest princess dress etc. etc. This kid bugs me.

5) The Kid Who Isn’t Fed at Home: This is the kid who just wants to eat us out of house and home the whole time she is over. (I have a feeling I was a lot like this kid when I was little!)

6) The Bossy McBossy Kid: This is the kid who irks me the most. This is the kid who bosses me around in my own house (well, tries to). I have to establish my status as leader of the pack pretty quickly with these little wolverines.

I’m sure I’m missing a few other types, or I haven’t encountered them yet.

And what is play date etiquette? If Grace is invited one weekend, what is the turn around time for us to reciprocate?

Stole this from Carmen - I'm feeling particularly un-inspired today, so I thought if prompted I'd see what I could come up with:

Tomorrow: No extracurricular activities - yippee!

Feeling: A little cranky - mix a little PMS with a little 2 year old and dash of 5 year old at bedtime and that's the recipe for Crockpot Cranky.

Happy Because: Fresh snow is covering the ugly dirty snow.

Today I: woke up late ran to work took a cab to two meetings walked at lunch caught the bus home worked out picked up grace at school picked up her friend at his house picked up Edie at daycare and took them to karate drove to the mall while they were at karate to run some errands picked them up from karate drove thefriend home drove us home made dinner did puzzles did homework did colouring lost my shit at bedtime and am now blogging.

Laundry: Stuff to put away and stuff in the dryer. Not bad!

Something I know: I'm going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night.

Currently reading: Paper Shadows by Wayson Choy - really good, but I suspect I've read it before.

Wanting: A glass of red wine (arrrrghh! Not til the weekend!)

Favorite gadget: digital camera.

Thankful that: Grace was only on her deathbed for one day.

Wondering why: I'm tired if I'm eating well, getting my 7.5 at night and excercising.

That was sooooo much easier than coming up with my own post! Maybe I'll just steal other people's questions from now on.

New BFF's

We broke up for a while, but we are getting back together. He doesn't mind if I see other people, he doesn't mind if I see other women(!). He's the only man who can tell me to push harder, faster, without getting a slap in the face. Even though he favours yellow spandex that shows off his package, I still can't help but find him endearing. He hurts me - I know that's wrong, but I always come back for more. I find him - inspiring. Billy Banks is my friend.

I was wary of Kathi - any woman with a terminal case of perkiness leaves me suspicious, but she has won me over with her promises of 20 minutes a day to a new me. She uses hot guys to motivate me, and she lets me get a drink of water when I tire. While I don't think I could go on a bender with Kathi Smith (I suspect she drinks pink beverages with little umbrellas in them) I can spend 20 minutes a day with her, and I have been, and I've gotta admit, I'm seeing some changes.

I wonder if they'll invite me to their birthday parties???

CATFIGHT!

I came across an article the other day about child psychology. I wasn't looking for information (I gave up on reading up about that stuff a long time ago - now we tend to just wing it!) Anyhooooo, this article mentioned that the absolute worst time to have another child is when your first is 3 years old. It goes on to say that a two year gap is ideal, because first born won't remember what life was like before baby #2 came along, and a 4+ year gap is good, because the first born is more mature to deal with new baby. Heh heh. Guess what the difference is between Grace and Edie? 3 years and 1 day. Perrrrfecccct. This could explain the balls out fighting that goes on in our household on most days. It explains when I jokingly (cough) made the remark that we had to get rid of one of our kids that Grace excitedly exclaime "Edie, right?"

It explains why almost two year Edie knows how to say "Chill out Gracie!".

Do any of you have sisters? Does it get better? Or should I just crack open the bottomless cabernet sauvignon now and sedate myself until they move out?

sigh.

Unfit parents.

A couple of nights in row now, Jo and I have been on the internet way past our bedtime. Surfing free porn? Nope. Online shopping? I wish. Catching up on blog reading? I forget what a blog is. Nope, we are desperately trying to revive our daughter's Webkin Clara, who is constantly ill, with an icepack on her head (hang over?) and a thermometer in her mouth. This upsets Grace to no end, she worries that Clara could die (they wouldn't be so mean, would they?) Meanwhile, Jo and I are pissed because we take it quite personally that we can't make a virtual pet get healthy again.....what does that say about us as parents of two little humans?

We excercise this thing; we buy it it's four food groups and then a special treat; we bought it a tutu and ballet shoes and the little shit still isn't happy! C'mon Ganz, what's the deal, what will it take to make Clara happy? Anyone else have this problem? Should we just let her cry it out?