Mirrors should think longer before they reflect. ~Jean Cocteau
The great thing about going to Florida this time is year is that winter is half over and it provides a much needed break from the Season That Sucks Ass.
The not so great thing about going to Florida this time of year is that my skin has had about 4-5 months to incubate a pasty-white shade that might inspire Benjamin Moore to name a paint after me (who wouldn’t want to paint their walls a solid shade of “Cadaverous Karen”???)
I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some self-tanning. Did you know that you can’t slather on self-tanner like you would your moisturizer? I’m the kind of gal who likes to beat personal best times of moisturizing – if I can get it done in under a minute, I’m high-fiving myself in a steamed up mirror. Well, apparently after reading the self-tanner bottle, you need to exfoliate (huh?) moisturize (whaaa?) then rub the self-tanner on in small, even circles around your body (d-oh!) Talk about high maintenance! My steps involved washing myself with shampoo (couldn’t find soap) and then deducing that the self-tanner would have moisturizing elements to it thus eliminating the need to moisturize. I guess that’s why my body looks like caramel swirl ice cream this morning.
So. Two questions: 1) How do get rid of the brown ripples from my body and 2) Tanning beds or Mystic Tan?
The not so great thing about going to Florida this time of year is that my skin has had about 4-5 months to incubate a pasty-white shade that might inspire Benjamin Moore to name a paint after me (who wouldn’t want to paint their walls a solid shade of “Cadaverous Karen”???)
I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some self-tanning. Did you know that you can’t slather on self-tanner like you would your moisturizer? I’m the kind of gal who likes to beat personal best times of moisturizing – if I can get it done in under a minute, I’m high-fiving myself in a steamed up mirror. Well, apparently after reading the self-tanner bottle, you need to exfoliate (huh?) moisturize (whaaa?) then rub the self-tanner on in small, even circles around your body (d-oh!) Talk about high maintenance! My steps involved washing myself with shampoo (couldn’t find soap) and then deducing that the self-tanner would have moisturizing elements to it thus eliminating the need to moisturize. I guess that’s why my body looks like caramel swirl ice cream this morning.
So. Two questions: 1) How do get rid of the brown ripples from my body and 2) Tanning beds or Mystic Tan?
7 comments:
It'll come off if you scrub. And I mean SCRUB. Use one of those bath puff things, and really go to town. It'll come off.
For number 2, well, I have no advice. I've never done either. I just go with my natural super-pale shade. Hey, it's me :-)
Poor Meanie. Caramel swirl ice cream?? I guess that's better than Rocky Road. I second Alissa's idea of the buff puff and a lot of elbow grease.
I don't tan. I just go a little bit off-white and then burn. So I can't help you with 2).
No! You should rejoice in your "Cadaverous" shade! You may be a meanoldmommy now, but you'll be a meanoldhotmommy tomorrow. And you can have that Benjamin Moore colour... Crayola already named one after me: "Pasty Scot". ;-)
Have a great holiday!
- Your friendly neighbourhood curator.
Lemon juice supposedly helps. I just exfoliated with one of those foot stones (I can't think of the name).
Tan Towels, that's what you need, I am an idiot with self tanners, and I find I don't get streaky with those.
:)
This makes lying in the sun for hours seem a lot easier.
Think of yourself as a delicate English flower rather than a cadaver.
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