Monday, February 11, 2008

Mirrors should think longer before they reflect. ~Jean Cocteau

The great thing about going to Florida this time is year is that winter is half over and it provides a much needed break from the Season That Sucks Ass.

The not so great thing about going to Florida this time of year is that my skin has had about 4-5 months to incubate a pasty-white shade that might inspire Benjamin Moore to name a paint after me (who wouldn’t want to paint their walls a solid shade of “Cadaverous Karen”???)

I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some self-tanning. Did you know that you can’t slather on self-tanner like you would your moisturizer? I’m the kind of gal who likes to beat personal best times of moisturizing – if I can get it done in under a minute, I’m high-fiving myself in a steamed up mirror. Well, apparently after reading the self-tanner bottle, you need to exfoliate (huh?) moisturize (whaaa?) then rub the self-tanner on in small, even circles around your body (d-oh!) Talk about high maintenance! My steps involved washing myself with shampoo (couldn’t find soap) and then deducing that the self-tanner would have moisturizing elements to it thus eliminating the need to moisturize. I guess that’s why my body looks like caramel swirl ice cream this morning.

So. Two questions: 1) How do get rid of the brown ripples from my body and 2) Tanning beds or Mystic Tan?


Alissa said...

It'll come off if you scrub. And I mean SCRUB. Use one of those bath puff things, and really go to town. It'll come off.

For number 2, well, I have no advice. I've never done either. I just go with my natural super-pale shade. Hey, it's me :-)

alison said...

Poor Meanie. Caramel swirl ice cream?? I guess that's better than Rocky Road. I second Alissa's idea of the buff puff and a lot of elbow grease.

I don't tan. I just go a little bit off-white and then burn. So I can't help you with 2).

Anonymous said...

No! You should rejoice in your "Cadaverous" shade! You may be a meanoldmommy now, but you'll be a meanoldhotmommy tomorrow. And you can have that Benjamin Moore colour... Crayola already named one after me: "Pasty Scot". ;-)

Have a great holiday!

- Your friendly neighbourhood curator.

Stink Eye & Tube Steak said...

Lemon juice supposedly helps. I just exfoliated with one of those foot stones (I can't think of the name).

Tan Towels, that's what you need, I am an idiot with self tanners, and I find I don't get streaky with those.


Stink Eye & Tube Steak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Swistle said...

This makes lying in the sun for hours seem a lot easier.

Think of yourself as a delicate English flower rather than a cadaver.