But I don't wanna!

This morning I woke with one of those feelings that I just could not shake. A feeling of dread, but I could not put my finger on why I was feeling this way. A weird feelig in my stomach that prevented me from enjoying anything that passed my lips. So I worked. Dealing with government-y stuff. Meetings, paper work, paper work and more paper work. Then my admin assistant passed by my office with my pay stub in my hand. I study this form every two weeks, try to come to terms with the amount that is deducted (and no, $30 bilingual bonus money does not make up for my losses!). I then tucked the little stub away and continued with my piles of work. Then, the good fairy of administration came by again, with a bigger envelope for me to open. My pension and benefits plan. When I opened it I knew immediately where my feeling of dread came from this morning. My brain must have had some psychic connection to the information help in this package, and my brain knew to shelter me from this information for as long as possible. This little package, so tidy and correct, informed me that I can retire in 2029. I think in my own little world, I thought maybe I had a few more years at this gig before Jo and I could run off into the sunset together, a little more wrinkl-y, a little rounder, but at least still able to run. But now I am a little worried that we will instead we will be as wrinkled as sharpei puppies, slowly, cautiously, walking at a snail's pace to our beds, just as the sun is setting.

Sigh.