Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Today is my first coffee-free day since I came out the womb some 35 years ago. Okay, well, maybe I’m exaggerating just a little bit, but I have been faithful to Juan Valdez for at least two decades now, with brief, caffeine-free dalliances when I was pregnant with both children. But, Juan always lured me back with his seductive aroma and mood-enhancing abilities. But, as of late, the affair has grown stale. I have to give Juan credit though - he has tried to spice things up in our relationship by adding whipped cream, syrups of a variety of flavours….the cheeky little monkey was even bold enough to add ice to our encounters. He even has a little coffee-porn feature at the Tim Horton’s drive-thru, where you can watch a steamy scene between a coffee and a donut. But all this has been leaving me empty inside lately. In fact, our long affair is leaving me feeling ill and shaky.
I’m sorry Juan, but I’m switching teams. Green Tea has made me promises that you can’t – Green Tea quenches my thirst, unlike you, who leaves me dehydrated and with a fuzzy tongue. Green Tea is promising me a sped up metabolism, while you, Juan, you just leave my guts rotten and churning. And I’m not embarrassed to talk to someone after indulging in a steamy cup of Green Tea, whereas after consuming you, Juan, I try to cover up what I have done with mints and gum.

I am breaking free of you Juan, free after all these years.

Come Green Tea, let us be free, just you and me.

(ooooooh, I see Green Tea can be naughty too!)


alissasanderson said...

This is funny :-)

I get my caffeine in the form of Mt. Dew or Pepsi. I think coffee (and green tea) is icky!

XUP said...

Ah Meanie - welcome to the green side. Your life will from here on in be filled with sunshine, health, happiness, innner peace and outer beauty.

meanie said...

Alissa - I was shocked when I heard that Mt. Dew has caffeine! Someone once told me that clear = no caffeine, and I blindly followed (and probably didn't sleep during my Mt. Dew phase!)

Xup - Thanks! Day 2 and I feel pretty good and pious! Is there a secret clubhouse I should know about?

Carrie Wilson Link said...

You are HILARIOUS! I am not a convert, but I still love everything about this!

XUP said...

When Juan is totally out of your system and you've been infused with green tea THEY will come to you and explain about the clubhouse.