I need something, something like the movie-version President of the United States has. I need a big, red button that I can hover over, threateningly, whenever my girls are fighting and generally making my life miserable. I need a button that says "you know what girls? I can end this, right here, right now. You know why? Because I'm the effing President of your little lives, serving consecutive terms until you are 18 years old. Welcome to My Democracy!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha!"
Charlize Theron will play me in the movie (wait, can Linda Evangelista act?) Gollum and The Kraken will play Edie and Grace, respectively.
That's where I'm at today.