When I was brushing Edie's hair this morning, she looked in the mirror and burst out crying "I don't like myself!" and the tears flowed and she crumbled into my lap, burying her head into my neck and sobbed. I couldn't get the reason for the breakdown out of her, she just repeated that she just doesn't like herself very much. Fighting back my own tears, I cooed all the things a Mommy should say, how wonderfully smart and funny and amazing she is. Shhhh shhhhh you are so very special and so many people love you.
She eventually calmed, the bus long gone at this point. Grace, Edie and I cuddled on the couch and read a Fly Guy book (always good to put a smile on anyone's face) and the sadness was over. I drove them to school, looking in the rearview mirror for hints of sadness, depression or anxiety in her beautiful, beautiful eyes, but there were none.
The knots have not left my stomach yet. I have not battled depression or anxiety for awhile now, but I will always remember what it felt like. And to hear my little Edie utter those words, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I would take that punch over her suffering any ill thoughts against herself.
I fought back more tears when she came home today with this picture:
Toughest. Job. In. The. World.
3 comments:
If anyone is hassling little Edie at her new school and filling her cute head with crap, just call in your biker friends to sort it out. Those guys can totally take care of those uppity Oakville chicks. (Even if they are only 6 years old.)
- Your friendly neighbourhood curator
Sorry to hear she has started struggling with self esteem issues. Being a child can be tough sometimes, but she's lucky she has such a sensitive and compassionate mother such as yourself.:)
:(
I love the picture at the end.
The gut punches are not pleasant-seems I've convinced myself that my girls will never, ever have to go through anything "character building" like I did.....but alas....there are mean girls in every school/grade apparently.
Hope Edie was just having a bad moment and can see how much more awesome she is than girls who will have to emulate each other for the rest of their lives while she gets to rock out to her own thing!
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