Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Apologies for yesterday’s pity party. I went to bed early, woke up early, did a little workout, and am now feeling fine. I even fielded a call from Grace, having to assure her that she does not have a peanut allergy. The kids wants something to be “wrong” with her soooo badly. All of her friends seem to have something “wrong” with them – broken arm, allergy of some kind, three heads. Grace wants something that makes her stand out as well. Being beautiful, freakishly athletic and smart is not cutting the mustard with her. She wants more.
This made me think of THE BIG LIE I told when I was around her age. My brother had just been fitted with a retainer – it made his speech change, it affected how he smiled and his mouth was shiny. People asked about it, Mom and Dad were constantly on him to wear it and he was pretty much getting the kind of attention that I wanted. So, I did what any logical 7year old would do. I fashioned a retainer out of two paper clips and claimed orthodontia to anyone who would listen. I wore it to Brownies; my peeps called bullshit, yet I dug my feet in and insisted that it was a retainer. I wore it to school and my teachers called bullshit, yet I dug my feet in and insisted that it was a retainer. They then asked for note from home as proof, as they were concerned that my “retainer” might be a choking hazard or cause tetanus or something.
Well, seeing as my Dad was a dentist, I didn’t think I could convince him that it was a retainer, so I retired my case of orthodontia, claiming to be cured after two days of treatment.
14 years later I wasn’t so enthusiastic when I was fitted with the clunkiest braces you could possibly fashion at the ripe old age of 21. One observer accused Jonas of being a pedophile, that’s how young they made me look.
Ha ha, I really feel better now.