I love footwear. Boots, heels, flats, flip-flops; even slippers have been known to cause me to quiver. I have always been this way – I can remember saving hard earned babysitting money to buy a par of mesh and rubber shoes from Le Château when I was in grade 6. Back then girls were wearing topsiders and PeterPan getaway boots, but not I, I had already developed a taste for the exotic in footwear.

So, when Grace told me her shoes were too small, after I swear, just buying her a new pair of shoes a few weeks back, I smiled to myself and thought, finally, Grace is little like her mother after all. I obliged, brought her to the mall, and we started looking for shoes. Now, last time I checked, Grace was a 12. And that’s what we started with. Lemme tell you, I felt like the Prince trying to squeeze the evil step-sister’s sausages in the glass slipper. Gracie’s foot would not go in. Huh. Maybe she did grow after all. Let’s try 12 ½, umm, nope, no can do. These shoes must be European; they tend to be cut on the smaller side. We’ll just jump up to 13 and see how we do…..well, don’t cry sweetie, Mommy’s not hurting you on purpose, I guess we’ll just have to try the 13 ½, oh, come on, give me a fucking break, is there paper wadded up in the toe area? Miss? Miss? Would you come over here please? Would you please measure my daughter’s feet? She’s just not fitting into any of these shoes, and last time I checked, she was a 12. Are these things labeled properly? Oh, what’s that? I see. She’s a 1 bordering on a size 2. Why yes, I am a shitty mother, completely unaware that children can grow over night in leaps and bounds and potentially bankrupt a family due to her increasing shoe upgrades. And yes, I have been sending her to school everyday in shoes that are two sizes too small for her potentially causing some weird stunting phenomenon in her foot. Thank you, thank you very much for all of your help.



Check out PeeWee's Big Shoe dance. Awesome stuff.