Monday, February 07, 2011

After hours of analysing a stoopid boring spreadsheet for work the other day, I started to daydream about what it would be like to get paid for work I actually enjoy doing. Thus my official list of Things I Wish I Got Paid to Do:

1) I would like to get paid for the good two minutes I spend at night hovering over the girls' heads when they are sleeping Jedi-Mind trick like, in an attempt to wake them. I just like it when they open their eyes and sleepily smile or mutter something incoherent. I'm also a head smeller. It would be nice to get paid for that. Re-reading this I would like to get paid for writing run-on sentences.

2) Practising the "if I were famous this is the surprise face I would make" in the mirror (there are variations). I don't do this often, usually only after watching TMZ, and if Jo is out for the night (kind of embarrassing).

3) Building snow forts. I spent about three hours yesterday building one, kept on going long after the girls lost interest, revelling in comments from the folks walking by (I just realized their smiles may have been ones of pity, not admiration).

4) Colour coding my closet, and debating with myself whether I should organize it by length of garment, colour of garment or type of garment (current status is by type AND colour. It's working quite well thank you!)

5) Organizing my record album. Same issues apply as above, should it be organized by genre or alphabetical order? I should also get paid for time spent thinking about it. Like professional planning fees. I should also like to get paid for time spend wondering why I bought a certain album (The O-Jays come to mind).

6) Lighting candles. It currently looks like a candle factory barfed in my house because candles make me feel warmer. But it takes a long time light all these damn candles (especially when Edie follows me around and blows them out as I light them - hysterical game).

7) Time spent setting up Wii games. Not my forte. Don't actually enjoy this job. Should demand overtime.

8) Facebooking. I'm pretty good at it.

9) Taking shit away. This weekend I confiscated gum, a DS, and an episode of Max and Ruby. I wish I could say I don't enjoy this job, but I feel so f*&^ing powerful when I take stuff away. They just look at me like I'm God.

10) Counting Canada Goose coats. Did everyone get one for Christmas this year?????


Anonymous said...

You should get paid for just "being".

[Oh, if I see one more hipster in a Canada Goose jacket I will go postal. Jeezus.]

- Your friendly neighbourhood curator.

Jen said...

You counted me and you didn't even say hello????

Laura said...

YES! Where did all the Canada Goose coats come from?! Would you really want to be a professional head smeller? I suspect it is only your children's heads you would like to smell. :)

Nat said...

Hmmmm.. records were always alphabetical by band, then by release date. It just seem the only way to do it.

Though I suppose you could sort by album name, but I have a hard time remembering them. You know?

I'm a nuzzler. I like to nuzzle the boy...

Lynn said...

Oh man, this post made me snort tea. NOT a comfortable feeling. Yet worth it.

I am with you in the Wii game setup. When you figure out how to get paid for that one, I'm in.

elle bee said...

Seriouisly, as Kelly Oxford said, I think there must have been a sale on Canada Goose jackets.

I want to feel the power of taking things away from people. Maybe i'll start by taking parkas away from hipsters....

Anonymous said...

I love number 9 - Sara