The Go-Go's

And I am outta here! Won't have time to post for awhile as I'll be chasing the rugrats around for the next week or so (god help us all). If you see a deranged woman running wild in the streets, it's probably me running from the kids! Have a great summer!

meh. i don't have much to say. i wish grace and edie could read and write...they have something to say from sun up to sun down, and then some. i used to think "mommy" was a beautiful word.....

grace was put under general aneasthetic (sp?) this weekend for some dental work - girlfriend had some MAJOR cleaning/filling in to do. i was a little worried that she'd come out with a grill like this - but they actually did a wonderful job and she has just two stainless steel caps on her teeth. $2800 - who knew? she did great - i could feel her little heart pounding, she was scared as they put the mask on her, (so was I for that matter) and she just drifted off to sleep. the crazy thing was that she was staring at me when she was sleeping. the nurse assured me that she was asleep, so i reluctantly left the room. it's so unnatural to see your child in an induced sleep. it must be weird for them to work on a patient with their eyes open - i wonder if they gently close them? the doctor said she'd be on the couch all day, early to bed, lacking energy. heh heh heh. right. he had no clue who he was talking about. she insisted that we run her that night to expend some of her energy. if you could see atoms, you would see a kajillion bouncing around miss. g

SHE'S VERRRRRRRRY OLD

OR

I'm tall-ish therefore I'm old-ish

Grace and I got into an argument tonight....a little more heated on my end than hers (I don't think she realized it was an argument). We were talking about my family, and talking about the order of ages of everyone in my family. It's obvious Nanny and Grandad are OLD because they have the "crinkles". My brother and I are apparently about the same age because we are about the same height (actually, he's got five years on me). The kicker was that I'm WAAAYYYY older than my sister (who is 10 years my senior, thank you very much) because I'm taller than her. Do you remember thinking this when you were little? That height = seniority? It totally brings me back to that time when short = young, tall = old, long hair = princess qualities, short hair = boy, pool - rich. Sadly, I also thought that friends with divorced parents = the luckiest kids on earth because they pretty much got to do whatever they wanted.
I'm going to pick Grace's brain a little bit more for these philosophies - I'm really curious to see the world again through a 5 year old's eyes.

THEN

NOW

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT A MEANOLDMOMMY LOOKS LIKE?
Well, I'm pretty sure only 4 people read this blog (Thanks Chantal, Alison, Jo and Christopher); and two of you already know what I look like (God help you). Well, today at the doctor's office, I held the elevator door open for a man who was moving slowly, walking with with a cane. We exchanged pleasantries, and he then shyly remarked that I look a lot like Debbie Reynolds and "exude her warmth". Hmmm, that's a first, but I like it. I'm going to take this celebrity comparison over the last one I had - when "Leaving Las Vegas" first came out years ago, I would walk down the street and strangers would walk up to me and tell me how much I look like Elizabeth Shue
- yes, apparently I bore a striking resemblance to a down and out prostitute, and people seemed to think it was okay to excitedly point this out to me. Debbie Reynolds? I've come a long way baby!

This is Grace’s favourite band……

Well actually, she got it a little mixed up. I was eavesdropping on her having a heated discussion with her friend about their favourite songs and music. Keep in mind she is 5 and her friend is 6. Some tunes that were being thrown around were Itsy Bitsy Spider (“that‘s for babies”) and London Bridge (“it’s okay”). What was Grace’s offering? “SOCIAL DISTORTION IS THE BEST SONG IN THE WORLD!!!!” Well, their a band , kiddo not a song, but they are the best freaking band in the world and I just love the fact that something I like is rubbing off on her! I can’t wait to bring her to her first punk gig…..

Since I churned out two kids, I have been pretty lucky with my weight – I lost the weight quickly both times without too much effort and without much attention to my diet. I do run, and I do try to eat healthy, but I also sit on the couch and watch “America’s Next Top Model” and eat potato chips.
I’ve noticed lately that my jeans have felt a little tighter and a few little bumps here and there that I never had before. I hopped on the scale and sure enough, I have gained about ten pounds. I’m a little surprised because nothing has changed that drastically in my life style.
I was recently talking to a good friend of mine (who has three kids, the youngest being almost 4) about my weight gain and she gave me a knowing smile and said : “It’s getting easier, isn’t it?” She explained to me that she too started gaining weight after her littlest turned two and didn’t “need” her as much. This is so true. I used to carry Edie everywhere, all the time. It seems like I always had her in my arms, which was equal to lugging around a 30 pound weight all day long. And now, she doesn’t need me as much. She is an independent little girl who comes in for the occasional hug, but she certainly doesn’t want to be carried. I almost teared up yesterday on our walk when she was figuring out how to pedal her bike on her own. Soon she won’t even need me to push her on her trike.
Mother Nature’s a bitch - it seems like when she was needy, I yearned for her to be more independent.; now that she is cutting the cord a bit, I just want to shove her back in her BabyBjorn to keep her nice and safe (and burn a few calories to boot!)

Do you remember Dr. Laura Schlessinger? I used to listen to her just so I could feel my stomach burn with outrage (weird, eh).

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by an East Coast resident which I stumbled upon. It's great stuff.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15 :19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Moishe

DAMN YOU FACEBOOK!!!!
I'm sure I'll get over the novelty of it soon, but all my free computer time seems to be devoted to the crackbook. I have so many friends (not really); I'm making so many dates for things that will never happen ("we have to get together to catch up, really!"; and I know what lots of people are doing at all hours of the day. Very important information people!
So, for the LEGIONS of people who read this blog, I apologize. Hopefully, I'll return to my witty, insightful postings soon.

Oh, this is cool, my brother's store in Toronto was mentioned in this very popular design blog - check it out

just a quickie...

I rushed Grace through her bath tonight due to my inevitable case of Sens Fever. She was quite indignant about being hurried, and said: "Now my hair is going to have knots, you forgot to put the air conditioning in" - how hard was it to keep a straight face with that one!

Who knew we were raising a 'lil French Canadian!

Soapbox....

I work outside of the home. I really like to work, I find it incredibly rewarding, most of the time. I work a four day week, and save Fridays to hang out with the girls. This seems to work for everyone. At then end of the year for both of my maternity leaves I was antsy, bored, a little cranky and I knew that even though our little family could survive on Jo's income, I could not survive being a stay-at-home Mom. I know people have strong opinions on this issue. My opinion is that you do what works for you and your loved ones.

Last week my colleague and I organized art work shops at Grace's school for Education Week. We did Grace's class (JK) and a grade 2 class. It was great, the kids loved, I loved it, and we will be displaying their hard work next week at an art exhibit. Yay us!

Here comes the rant.

One of the volunteer parents asked me if I worked outside of the home. I told her I did. She then said "It must be so hard for you to relate to chidren". Huh? I told her not really, I have two of my own. She then said "Oh, but still, it's different". O-kay. I went on my merry way to work with the kids. I then noticed this same woman with a little girl who was crying. She was crying because she didn't like how her art work was turning out. Turns out this little girl is the snarley woman's daughter. The picture was fine; I pointed out all the lovely things about and tried to cheer her up. The woman then seethed/snarled at me (in front of her daugher) that this was bound to happen - a child in tears because it wasn't an appropriate work shop to run for the children of this age. I'm pretty sure she then went to the bathroom, pooped, and it came out smelling like roses.

Y'know what, only one kid ended up in tears, all the other kids seemed to genuinely enjoy themselves.

Women like her once had the power to make me feel guilty for my decision to work outside of the home, but no more - I just wish women could chill on each other a little bit instead of being such bitches to each other. It doesn't get us anywhere.

Bad day at work.....this is what I feel like doing tonight (the dancing part!)

NOBODY can say M*ther F*cker like Samuel L Jackson!

Would you touch this man’s art?

Me neither. But Edie had no problem touching, picking at and pretty much trying to alter a massive Jean-Paul Riopelle hanging at the National Gallery of Canada. Jo and I brought the girls to the Ron Mueck exhibit on Sunday and Edie apparently thought the items at the gallery were meant to be interactive. Luckily, security didn’t spot her fondling the piece of art and we made our escape, and Edie has a chunk of a famous piece of art work under her finger nails.

I’m going to be a little bit embarrassed picking up the kids today – they are so freaking filthy it’s not even funny. With the high winds yesterday and hours spend at the park, they looked like little sand people. Yesterday afternoon, I was sort of chill with them and let them roll around the sand as much as they wanted, figuring that I’d just throw them in the bath before bed. Well, adventure of all adventures, the power went out! Yippee! Candles were lit, walks outside in the wind were taken, but no bath was to be had. Oh well, you know what they say, a speck of dirt…..

Edie made her first complete sentence last night, it went something like this: “CC (Gracie) hit me.” Look out Grace, the witness can talk now….

I Heart Stay at Home Mom’s

Thursday night I got sick. Sore throat, fever, chills – the whole she-bang. I don’t work on Fridays, Friday is my stay at home day to hang out with the girls (well, actually, usually just Edie – most Fridays Grace chooses to go to her day care). Friday morning I felt like crap. I could have send Edie to day care and nursed my cold, but I hate to sacrifice that special time.
That got me thinking. Stay at home mom’s don’t have the option to a) send their kids to day-care if they want or b) go to the office because often it is less intense there than it is to stay at home. Friday was hard, I really just wanted to curl up and die, but Edie just didn’t get that and wasn’t terribly sympathetic to my complaints.
I got through the day, but it really makes me admire my stay at home sisters who have to keep it together for their little ones on those not so great days. And to be honest, next time I feel that lousy, I will most likely take the day care option and curl up on the couch with a movie and feel sorry for myself solo.

Memo to Edie’s tooth

It’s time we had a talk. Everyone says my obsession with you is a little crazy, but I just don’t understand why you won’t come out and meet us. Edie could use your help when trying to chew her food. I know you are there. I see you when I make Edie open her mouth so I can monitor your progression; I feel you when I stick my finger in Edie’s mouth and probe for your whereabouts; I have been hearing you when Edie has been crying out at 2:00 in the morning due to the discomfort you cause. I taste you – actually, no I don’t, that’s just gross.

Anyways Tooth, you have been threatening to come out since December, you keep teasing us with your trips to the surface of Edie’s gum line, only to retreat just when we think are finally going to come out. Edie should have a full grill by now and focusing on being the best damn two year old around instead of waiting around for you. C’mon Tooth, you’re going to fall out in a couple years anyhow, why not make the most of your time in Edie’s mouth? A lot of your other friends have already come out, and I think they are having a good time! The central incisors are firmly planted, the molars have already beat you out, your twin on the left joined us a long time ago, so why oh why do you insist on dragging this out? Are you scared? Don’t be! Just because sand and my very expensive face cream are just two of the unusual things that Edie puts in her mouth, we always brush your friends at the end of the day to get rid of anything that might compromise their whiteness.

Edie’s Grandfather (a retired dentist) tells me to chillax (my word, not his). I guess I should, but in my world everything has a place, and Tooth, you’re just not following the rules!

Mundane…..


Something very sad is happening on my calendar – it is filling up quickly, but look at what it is filling up with:

-Party lite party
-Cooking party
-fund raiser for a friends kids’ nursery school
-volunteer day at Grace’s school
-sign grace up for soccer

Christ, I sound like a 34 year old mini-van driving suburban house wife! Oh, wait, that’s exactly what I am.

Not much going on over at meanoldmommy’s house…I guess we are all suffering from the lack of sunshine, it’s getting kind of creepy (anyone seen Children of Men?)
I don’t have much to say. Kids haven’t done anything extra-cute or extra-naughty in a while; Jo hasn’t done anything extra-cute or anything extra-naughty in a few days (heh heh) . I guess it’s nice to have a few quiet days after my drunk as a skunk night out last week.


Here, read these, they are much more interesting and/or funny than I am right now:

www.socialitelife.com GOSSIP!

http://truemomconfessions.blogspot.com/ ahhh, other mom’s who think it’s okay to not share their candy with their kids

http://truehusbandconfessions.blogspot.com/ could make you a little paranoid

http://truewifeconfessions.blogspot.com/ could make you a little sad

I’m in a fan-freaking-tastic mood this morning. Let me give credit where credit is due:

• Thank you Elvis Presley for my great mood this morning as I listened to him on my MP3 this morning
• Thank you Rochelle for my great haircut (STRANGERS are giving me compliments on my bangs – who knew!?)
• Thank you sun for finally shining and injecting a little vitamin D into my life
• Shout out to Edie and Grace for not waking up once in the night
• Another shout out to Jo for not snoring last night
• Thank you to the weird homeopath guy at the health food store yesterday who looked into my eyes and told me what ails me (no, seriously, this guy was good – just by looking at my eyes he know that I had trouble with my kidneys 10-12 years ago….) and for telling me what to do about it
• Thanks to Grace’s day care for discovering that Grace will eat her cheese sandwich if they microwave it
• Thanks to Edie’s care giver for buying her a backpack filled with fake lipstick, nail polish, a cell phone, sunglasses and keys – there is nothing cuter than watching Edie being a Ms. Thing and using all these accoutrements
• Thank you YouTube for this (and to Spankygirl for bringing my attention to it)
• Thank you Heather O’Neill for writing Lullabies for Little Criminals – it’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time
• Thank you Larry Birkhead for being DanniLynn’s father instead of Howard K Stern. Don’t turn out to be a dick.

Barrymore's makes a damn good Whiskey Sour. Too good.

While some people went to Mass to celebrate this thing called Easter, I went to Barrymore's for Eighties Night. Oh ma Gawd, it was so much fun. From 9:00 till 2:30, I danced up a storm with my peeps, feeling all girly-girly and hyper whenever a great song came on. I lost my voice from too much yelling (Oh my God I love this song!); I pickled my innards with too many Zambuka shots and Whiskey Sours, I feel like I did a kajillion leg presses from all the dancing I did; I smoked one too many cigarettes, 2 to be exact (we'll see how the run goes today with a little added gunk coating my lungs); I'm sure I embarrassed myself to no end by shaking my junk to "I like big butts"; I arrived in a minivan and left in a cab; I went to bed 5 1/2 hours past my bedtime and slept in two hours later than I normally get up.

I have to do this more often.....

Didn't Charles Manson start off by killing insects?

A double post today, this was just too funny/weird not to write about. I took the girls out for a walk tonight and Grace wouldn't wear a hat. No biggie, but here is the conversation, pretty much word for word:

G: you know why i don't want to wear a hat mommy?
me: No sweetie, why?
G: because i want a butterfly to land on my head
me: oh, how lovely! then it would be like a butterfly barrette!
G: yeah, and then we could kill it with this stick (points to stick in hand), get some glue and glue it on to one of your bobby-pins!

Not too sure what to say about this one.

Don't envy me and my movie star life....

You want to know what I did yesterday? I did laundry and for extra points I put the laundry away; I mopped the floor of the entire house; I put away winter jackets and boots; I went out for lunch by myself and read my book and I got a snazzy new hair cut. All of these accomplishments excited me to no end. How sad is that. I remember when fast cars and Mike Ness used to make my stomach go a-flutter. And now the thought of eight hours sleep and clean sheets is enough to make me hyperventilate.

Oh well, at least I haven't completely given up on life and bought my self a pair of these (Thanks to Carmenfor bringing my attention to this hilarious SNL clip!)

Have a great long weekend - don't eat all of your kids' Easter Candy (I already have to replace what I originally bought the girls!)

Little Napolean

She's all of three feet tall, but Edie somehow managed to kick Jo out of bed at three o'clock this morning. We have a king sized bed, but apparently Edie feels it just isn't big enough for the three of us. When the alarm went off this morning, I found poor Jo stretched out on the couch - actually he looked pretty comfortable out there. Do you ever feel like it will never end, this not so fun game of musical beds? Edie's under the weather with a cold, but as soon as the nose is running clear, I see some crying in the future so Jo and I can reclaim our bed.

Grace has been doing much better, only yelling out once in the middle of the night for someone to turn her light on. She's come a long way (I wonder if the bribes did it for her?) I just bought her the game "Operation" as a special gift for doing so well at night. I think I'm just as excited as her to play it!

And now for something completely different, check this out! Made me giggle...