RANT
I don’t get people like this. We served the previous owners of our house with our costs for the pool repair. They responded with a letter to our lawyer that they had already explained to us on numerous occasions the situation with the pool (Jonas and I must have been blacked out on these numerous occasions as they NEVER addressed the pool issues with us, in fact, they stopped returning our calls as soon as we raised issues with the pool). They also expressed in their letter that they were upset because we were disturbing them during their holidays. Are you f&*?&* kidding me? Disturbing their holidays? How about that chunk of summer we lost because we couldn’t use our damn pool? Did you think about that you idiots? When I think about the trash Jonas emptied from our house left behind by them and the mail I packaged up and delivered to them because they were too damn lazy to do an address forward and the dog feces they left in the backyard I just want to kickbox some human decency into them. As Joe Pesci would say in Goodfellows...”What the fuck kind of people are they?” Indeed.

Yohohoho and a bottle of rum....

Edie officially has a lazy eye. When people see Edie, the first thing they exclaim is what beatiful eyes she has, and now we have to cover one of them up for two hours a day for month to see if it will correct itself. I'm sure an 18 month old is going to have nooooo problem sitting still while we put a patch over her eye, and I'm sure our little 18 month old will refrain from picking at it and trying to pull it off, and I'm sure our rational, tolerant 18 month old will not mind at all when Jonas and I rip that band aid off her eye every day after the two hours are up. Yup, it's gonna be fun folks.
Grace is quite excited that she is going to have a "baby pirate sister"; Grace has even tried out the patch herself to make Edie feel better about wearing it. I think if it was Grace who was being treated for lazy eye, she'd rather enjoy it!
It could really be so much worse, a lazy eye is small potatoes, really.

I am so deliciously happy now that I am working downtown again. I don't feel exhausted anymore, I don't dread going to work, I walk every lunch hour, I can make it to my kickboxing class and still be home by 5:00 (kudos to Jo for doing the day-care run). And oh yeah, the work is pretty interesting to. Life is good.

Last night when I was putting Grace to bed she developed this elaborate game called "Cloud Jump and Fall". The premise? Well, it took a lot of hand gestures on her part because she was too excited to explain, the gist of it is that you puff up her duvet, pick her up as high up in the air as you can and then drop her on to the "cloud". Another thing to add to the bed time ritual, sigh. Bedtime used to be bath, bottle/book, bed. Now, bedtime has evolved into:
-bath
-pyjamas
-couch, t.v. show
-snack
-milk
-pee
-brush teeth
-2 books
-lights off
-tummy, side and back tickles
-stories from when i was a little girl, or when jo was a little boy
-guessing games
-lights on to make sure she is holding lamb-ey properly
-cuddles
-lights on to identify shadows, lights off


Edie gets plopped into her crib quite unceremoniously at 8:00, tired or not, luckily she just talks herself to sleep, even with all this commotion next door to her room. Miraculously, the house is quiet by 8:30 (or even later when Jonas falls asleep with Grace :)

Okay, other people's dreams are boring, I know. But this one is kind of interesting, and if anyone can psycho-analyze it, I'd appreciate it.
So Jonas and I are in line at Dairy Queen (good dream already, right?) and Jo gets a call on his cell-phone. It's Donald Trump, who is crying, (I know this because Jo keeps saying, "It's alright Donald, stop crying, I can't understand what you're saying"). So when the call is over, Jo tells me that Trump is so upset because he really loves me and wanted to marry me, not his current wife Melania. My response to all this? "Yeah, the same thing happened after Elvis married Lisa Marie".
Wow, dreamy Karen has WICKED self-esteem!

They make me smile.

Is it wrong to let my kid get this dirty????
I've got to admit, I think I have been abusing the pool a little bit. I have sort of come to the (lazy) conclusion that chlorine is as effective as soap, therefore a day spent in the pool is equivalent to at least 10 baths. I'm not sure how long Grace had gone without a bath at the time of this photo, but when I added Edie to mixture, the water was almost black. The day before this picture, I was thinking to myself how dark Grace's hair was getting.....after the bath her hair lightened up significantly. Oops, my bad. I promise to take the hygiene of the girls a little more seriously (damn, it was so easy....too easy).

I took the plunge the other day and brought Grace and friend Holly to the Ex, they had a blast, and it was pretty fun watching them. You know made me mad though? I took the girls on their first bus ride, and they were so excited. I told the driver when we got on, with a wink and a smile, that it was their first bus ride. I swear, the man GRUNTED at me. Come on, throw the girls a bone, make it a little special for them bus driver! He made me, and the two little girls in my charge feel about a foot tall. The bus driver on the way home on the other hand was a hoot, and made the bus ride more exciting for the girls than any ride at the ex. Takes all kinds, don't it?

The Ex makes me sad, summer is almost over. It also makes me a little excited for cozy sweater and jeans.

If the Pope can rock red shoes like this,I may just have to find a place for religion in my life.

Things that made me like life yesterday:

-I found a dollar store where things are actually a dollar, not "a buck or two...."
-I found a dress to wear to my brother-in-law's wedding this fall on sale ...
-Everyone happily ate tofu burgers for dinner last night (well, Grace protested a little bit....)
-got to drive Jo's car to work (with the sun-roof down) instead of the mini-van, making me feel a little giddy....
-Edie repeated Momma over and over (usually she's a da-da girl.....)
-found some sugar-free ice-cream cones that actually taste great....
-Jo did an impromptu freezer/refrigerator purge and re-organization (mr. freezies are no longer intimate with the fish fillets!)
-Edie pooped before I put her to bed....
-Grace is back to normal and went to bed without a hitch....(but did leave me with this question to think about all night: how do you go to heaven if you are stuck in the ground?)
-and finally, this hilarious video clip (I hate to laugh at other people, but sometimes they just ask for it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB84A3zcmVo

The Storm Before the Calm, or, Is it Okay to Not Like Your Own Daughter???


Let me explain. Grace was sooooo bad on Wednesday and Thursday, not just little bit bad, but down right mean. So mean that I felt really bad for the little girl she had over for a play-date. I caught her sticking her tongue out at her, refusing to give her friend the comfy chair when they were playing on the computer and breaking the sacred rule of no swimming in the deep-end without a flotation device. She was downright defiant and mean and I was happy to see her go to bed those nights. I can't say I was a warm and fuzzy Mom those days and it took everything in me not to yell "I don't like you either!" when she yelled it at me first.
Well, mother-guilt kicked in on Friday when Grace turned terribly quiet and vulnerable and had a temperature that eventually rose to 104 degrees. She still insisted on going for her daily swim ("I need to practice everyday if I want to be good Mommy!" and insisted on going to karate, insisted on going to the cottage, insisted on going on a boat-ride and jumping in the lake, all with a fever. Maybe Jo and I are bad parents for letting her do all these things with such a high temperature, but such is the personality of Grace, and you gotta love her spirit. I'm sure she will be an Olympic athlete with this attitude. Me, I automatically curl up on the couch with a blanket and feel sorry myself when I'm sick. Not Grace.

So, some of you know that I work in La Belle Province. Get this, while everyone is enjoying a long weekend this weekend, I have to go to work because QuebecÃc doesn't have the August 4 weekend. Instead, I had to take off St. Jean Baptiste day back in June/July. Quebecers who work in Ontario are given the choice as to which holiday they wish to take, but Ontarioans (sp?) who work in Quebec are not given the choice. Love the freedom to choose on that one.

YouTube video of the day (you WILL laugh if you are a celebrity whore like me:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=UW8ccXmWMzE

I'm only a little bit pretty
So I'm at my kickboxing class the other morning, and this super-needy 50-ish woman decides that I'm her chosen one and attaches herself to me. When she discovers what street I live on (why oh why did I give her a street name?) she proceeds to ask me if I know "Maria". When I asked her to describe to me what "Maria" looks like, she looks at me quite thoughtfully and says, "Oh, she is quite tall and a little bit prettier than you are". My god, I know it was early in the morning, and I was a little bit hungover, but c'mon, you just don't say that to people!

Had the week off last week, hung out with the girls and Jo, in the pool everyday, soggy 'lil swimmers, soggy wet bathing suits and soggy wet towels left lying around everywhere tend to attract earwigs, fyi. My little dream is coming true though of people just popping in for swims, it's great, I don't to go anywhere or bring Grace anywhere, we have playdates on rotation in our backyard!

Grace is swimming like a pro and is now insulted if we ask her to put on floaties or a lifejacket. Edie has finally found her happy place by the pool: butt-naked on the steps with a little bowl of damp, chlorinated chips all to herself (it does sound kind of nice, doesn't it?)

If anyone knows of anyone who would rent me a parking spot downtown Ottawa three days a week, please let me know. I switch jobs mid-month and don't want to pay through the nose for parking.

Thanks to those who prayed for me - I survived Jo's absence, a little bruised, a little emotionally drained, but pretty much in one piece. One little Murphy's law thing though - why is it Edie was up 6:30/7:00 a.m. when Jo was gone, and this morning, after I was long gone to work, she slept until 8:30? (I know, some parents have much earlier wake-up calls, so I shouldn't complain).

A rundown of my life (who am I kidding, I don't have a life!) Let me rephrase, a quick run-down of the past few days:

-John Lee Hooker Jr. and Etta James on Thursday night with my Dad and my sister (wait! I do have a life!) this was an amazing concert and possibly the most beautiful summer night in Ottawa so far this year. A cold beer has never tasted so good.

-Friday, can't remember, must have erased it from my brain for some reason.

-Saturday, booked a sitter for Edie and took Grace to most unhappy place in the world, a place called Midway, where I later learned some shootings took place last year. It cost $18 for Grace to play on an indoor play structure (where I had to discipline a nasty little child for pushing Grace and for being a nasty little human being - where were his parents?); play some germ covered games and ride a motorized kiddie car around in circles for 5 minutes. Oh well, she had fun.

-Saturday again, felt like Britney Spears when invited for dinner to a new friend's house. This woman has two kids, 4 and 2 1/2, her house is clean, her kids listen to her, both kids still sit in highchairs where they are happily restrained, her daughter clears the table after dinner (!). Meanwhile, when I was distracted trying to discipline Grace for something or another, Edie fell down some stairs (just two, and they were carpeted, so no biggie in my books). The new friend looked a little horrified. The kicker is when we were leaving, she had the nerve to offer me homemade jam. You just don't offer homemade jam to people like me, who can't even get it together enough to make homemade anything!

-Sunday-day. Friends came over and spent the morning with us the pool....yippee! Almost had to kill their son though when he woke up Edie from her nap (he just wanted to see how cute she is when she's sleeping, unfortuntally for me, she isn't so cute for the rest of the afternoon when she only naps for an hour!)

-Sunday-night. Jonas walks through the door, and I pretty much walk out, head to Starbucks/Chapters, read Star and People for an hour and return home refreshed and in love with my kids again.

Website of the day: http://www.tistasty.com/jamstand.htm Just in case I ever have time to make homemade jam.

Pray for me - Jonas may be gone for a whole week leaving me alone with our two little enchiladas. Send back-up if I don't post by next week.....may the gods have mercy on my soul.

CHECK THE CRYING BABY
I'm all for letting little ones crying it out sometimes, but when a kid who usually settles for the night quite peacefully decides to kick up a fuss and howl and cry, it might be worth checking out. The other night Jonas and I were doing shots and dancing on the tables (okay, we were folding laundry together) and Edie started howling. When I went into her room, her foot was stuck between the bars of her crib and she really couldn't get it out! This is not the first time this has happened, so why does she keep doing it if the outcome is always the same: great pain/discomfort, interrupted sleep, harsh glaring light turned on so Mom and Dad can operate, Vaseline rubbed on foot to slide it out of bars and Mom and Dad rotating foot around to make sure no bones are broken. After the trauma though, there are some awesome cuddles before she gets put back in her crib. Maybe it's all worth it just for those few minutes rocking on the Lazyboy? I heard her attempting to do it again last night before she fell asleep, but Mr. Sandman got her before the crib bars could get her feet.

Thanks to Jimmy for the great picture of Edie!

Website of the day: http://youtube.com/watch?v=8TeNdsoCIgc&search=ernest%20and%20bertram

Just back from a week off with the family! Gotta admit, it felt kind of good to sit at my desk, sip at my coffee, and review my emails with no interruptions. In hindsight, it was a great week off - three awesome days at the cottage for our annual Absolut Canada Day weekend (great group this year, lots of laughs, kids were great - I don't think there was one "time-out", though a crayfish was dismembered....) Once home, we had lots of outings to keep everyone occupied, the best, by far, was the trip to Mt. Cascades Water Park - Grace and I joined friends there and I felt like I was four years old again...I was racing Grace up and down the slides and giggling and not wanting to go home - I sort of know how she feels now when we have to peel her away from something super-fun. We also signed Grace up at Douvris School of martial Arts (I can almost hear the collective "gulp" of people reading this). Sensei Dave assured me that while yes, they do train people to kill, they also teach them to not ever have a situation go that far. If I don't show up at work one day, chances are I've denied Grace some gummy bears or something and she's tossed me like a rag doll. Anyhoooo, I think it will be a great experience for her, and I'm going to take some kick-boxing at the same time to spice up my workout routine.

Edie, Edie, Edie.....why did you have to pick the week that I was off to become a cranky, miserable, hold me don't hold me feed me but don't feed me that give me that toy NO THAT TOY baby? Jonas and I determined the following: at sixteen months and having only four teeth, the others must be doing the Hustle above her little gumline and are going to all break through at once and b) it has been two weeks since her MMR shot, and the doctor said if she was going to react (c'mon, this is Edie, OF COURSE she is going to react!) it would be in two weeks time. So, Edie wasn't super-fun this past week, but she made up for it with moments of super-cuteness.

WE SWAM IN OUR POOL YESTERDAY! It's not perfect yet, but the whole fan-damily took the plunge and we swam. Grace is doing great, can swim without her life-jacket now (though we do insist on a life-jacket when we are with Edie or not focused on her 110%). Edie floats around in this little floating raft, not really knowing what is going on, but seems to enjoy it. Jonas has been working very hard on the pool, and while sometimes I can see the rage boiling beneath his calm surface, his determination to get this pool going has become his goal in life.

To end our vacation, we pic-nikked with friends with kids last night at Mooney's Bay. It was a beautiful night, great food, kids had a ton of fun. The only drawback was the psycho mom whose daughter latched on to our kids, which was fine, but she latched for two hours, ate our food, bossed our kids around, taught them naughty things and followed us everywhere. When Grace had to go pee, she asked if she could come to, I said sure. Our friend thought maybe the mother (who was nowhere to be seen for these two hours) should know, so he went and told her that her daughter was with me off to the washroom. He got "fuck-you mind your own business" as a reply. Huh? Then, the woman came to washrooms, grabbed her daughter, and proceeded to drop f-bombs left, right and centre, in front of the kids! I'm no prude, and I do occasionally swear, but never, in anger, in front of my kids. No wonder this kid latched on to us, I wouldn't want to be with her mother either. Sad.

Whew! I'm spent. I'm sure there is more to write, but my coffee is getting cold.

Website of the day:
http://www.montcascades.ca/
Seriously, it rocks. Go to Costco and buy your passes there - it's less expensive that way (it's not a cheap outing).

Pomp and Circumstance
How could I have forgotten to announce to the world that we attended Ms. Grace's Nursery School graduation last Friday. Special dress, cap, podium and all. Just for overkill, they included a valedictorian (who didn't have much to say - I guess it's hard to come up with an inspirational speech at 4 years old - Carpe Diem!).
I mocked Jonas who with great pride and dedication video recorded the whole ceremony...including the other class. I mock Jonas all the time for his video abilities - he tends to have a heavy finger on the record button, and we end up watching very lengthy snippets of Grace and Edie - what starts out being cute just ends up being annoying. However, I have to say, once the other, less diligent parents got wind of Jo's lengthy recording, everyone wants a copy so they can revel in their child's academic greatness.
And so, with Nursery School over, I now need to mentally prepare myself for the fact that our baby is headed off to school in the fall. It is a little depressing as that day in September will literally be the beginning of the never ending toil of academia and then the work force until she is 65. There's a nice heavy thought for the day.
Edie attended the ceremony as well, but had to be removed as she kept trying to disrupt the camera-man (perhaps in a bid to shine the camera on herself?)
This may be my last post for awhile - we are off to the cottage for Canada Day for our annual Absolut Bash - vodka, 2 babies, 3 preschoolers and Bishop's alumni.....I should have enough material for this blog for a whole year after this weekend.

Website of the day: http://www.extremefunnypictures.com/funnypic929.htm (scroll down and read the questions asked on the Canadian tourism site)

For Beverly Hills 90210 aficionados only:
http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/06/90210_a_legacy_.html

The double nap.
Well, Grace napped for the first time in 10 years (well, okay, seeing as she is only 4, maybe that is an exaggeration, but it has been a very long time) on Saturday, and for double bonus points, she napped when Edie napped. Let me itemize the things that were accomplished during that two hour period:
-laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away
-floor swept and mopped
-two loaves of corn bread baked
-sitting area finally arranged, photos put on display, flowers arranged
-Jonas pruned every single tree on our property
-lawn mowed

We dropped off Edie for a sleepover at my folks house on Saturday night, and she spent most of Sunday there too. Let me itemize what we accomplished on Sunday:
-fresh smoothies made for breakfast
-office finally unpacked and organized
-basement rearranged, we now have our gym set up, the playroom set up and the t.v. area all set up.
-Grace played un-interrupted Mr. Potato Head on the computer (Edie has a tendency to try and eat the mouse)
-went out for lunch, sat on a patio, waitress commented on what a nice family we were

I think, with all we accomplished this weekend, it is quietly understood between Jonas and I that we will have no more children, and may even give away one or two of the ones we presently have.

The Love List
Phew. I'm on the Love List. Grace has a developped a rather complicated way of organizing everyone in her life. Edie and I are on her love list. Jonas just made the "boy" love list (he was originally on the "like" list, he must have bribed her with candy or something). Friends further complicate the lists which have headings such as the Nursery School Love List (Kennedy and Sofia top this list) and the Nursery School Like List (this usually includes a list of boys, as boys, unless related, RARELY make the Love List). There is also the Soccer Love List, which includes Holly, but wait, Holly is also on the Day Care Love List, which leads to complicated questions such as "Mommy, can a person be on two lists?" and "Mommy, can someone be on a Love List and a Like List?" Grandparents seem to be sitting pretty on a Grandparent Love List, which has no "Like" category and doesn't appear to get altered, ever (must have something to do with Grandparents instinct to spoil). And there is the Toronto Love List, which gets complicated as there is also the Uncle Love List and the Auntie Love List. I was bombarded with all this information in a 1/2 hour period this morning, before coffee. No wonder Grace has a hard time falling asleep at night with all this documenting and organizing going on in her head.
I hesitate to enroll her in summer camp, not sure if I can handle another List to keep track of.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive. I find myself thinking more and more about Grace and her role as first-born. Edie is really coming into herself and showing off a great little personality. She lights up a room, says super-cute things, has super-cute expressions and is also very loving and cuddly....she is just a joy. Sometimes though, when Edie's audience is oooohing and ahhhhing over her, I'll catch a sideways glimpse of Grace with an almost sad look on her face and it. just. breaks. my. heart. I'm not sure what is going on in her four year old mind, but just the thought of her thinking that maybe everyone *likes* Edie more than her kills me. It's tough, because Grace does a lot more things to piss us off, and her personality is such that she just exhausts us and doesn't stop for a cuddle, she'd rather stop for a game of chase/tickle/jump on the bed....basically anything that requires a lot more energy than I have. Grace's spirit is not something we want to crush, either, I think it's great that she is so full of beans, and I definitely think it will be a great character trait the older she gets.
At the end of the day, Jo and I do make a very special effort to have quality time with just Grace and make her feel as special as she is. Edie doesn't seem to have any doubt in her mind just how special she is.
Soccer last night got rained out - there was a pretty cool storm actually, and while other kids cried and clung to their parents with fear, Ms. Grace just grew wide eyed with excitement. After the storm we all went puddle jumping before bed.
I feel great today - I reset the alarm incorrectly and instead of getting up at 6, I got up at 7:15....an extra hour of sleep always goes over well with my psyche.
Website of the day: any suggestions? I don't have time to look for one today.

My favourite things about summer
While other people complain about the heat, I revel in walking out the door and being hit with a wall of heat. I love it when it is so hot out that it is almost hard to take a breath. I love how our kids skin looks all dewey because they are hot. I love how Edie gets ridiculous corkscrew curls at the back of head with the humidity (she will hate that when she is older). I love the golf-tan Jo gets (even though he hasn't been golfing much this summer?). I love eating Mr. Freezies with Grace, and enjoying it just as much as she. I love watching Edie trying to eat a Mr. Freezie. I love watching the girls having a grand-old time in their grandparents pool (didn't love Edie crying all through dinner because she wanted to go back in the pool!) I love grabbing some take-out and heading to Mooney's Bay with a blanket for a family pic-nic (don't love having to ask the lifeguard what the bacteria levels are for the water though....especially after Edie face-planted in the water!) I love turning on the airconditioning at night for a comfy sleep. I love watching the mosquitoes fly into the "Mosquito Magnet" to meet their maker. I love picking up the girls from daycare and finding them playing in the sprinkler, getting kicks out of filling up buckets over and over again. I love the taste of beer in the summer. I love hooking up with my childless girlfriend in the Market and sitting on a patio with her, talking about non-kid stuff.
This weekend was the first weekend that *really* felt like summer...maybe because the sun actually decided to make an appearance. I also bought a new pair of shoes.
It rocked.
Website of the day: http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ Funny stuff.

(The above is Jo's artisitic interpretation of Edie last night)
Everything was easy-peasy last night. We had the girls bathed and sweet smelling (I love that smell); Edie, though cranky, went to bed early and without a fuss and Grace very matter-of-factly accepted that I was going out for the evening to run a few errands and that her Daddy was going to put her to bed (I even got a tear-free "good-bye Mommy! I love you! See you in the morning). Perfect! Upon my return home, the kitchen was clean, the dishwasher humming, and the house was quiet. Jonas and I had a rare chunk of time to spend together so we went to basement and started our plans for renovations. Everything was going well until we got to the bathroom and Jonas looked in horror at our garbage can.....there, in the can, were two of the most menacing looking, ginornous spiders you have ever seen. They looked like they were just waiting for their next plan of attack. Jo and I decided to attack before they could, and being the rational adults that we are, we got a garbage bag and put the whole garbage (yup, including the can) into the bag. Hey, money grows on trees and we can always buy another can! In retrospect, a little dramatic, but they were really scary looking spiders! They couldn't be trusted! Thank god today is garbage day and the ghastly beasts will forever be banished to the dump (in the perfectly good garbage can).
Think that was the end of the drama for the evening? Hell no! While this was going on, Edie began to cry, and by the time I got to her room, she had settled herself. An hour later, the cries began again, and these were the cries that I know need attention. I went into her room, picked her up, and I found myself holdng a convulsing 15 month old with a 105 degree temperature. It was horrible, and even with a heavy dose of Motrin, she didn't cool down for a long time. I was scared to put her back to bed until she felt totally normal. We defnitely put some time in on the ole' LazyBoy. This morning she was as cool as a cucumber and her (relatively) happy little self. How do they do that?
Once again, not to be outdone in the drama department, Grace called out for me, crying. (I swear she knows when I have just fallen asleep!) The high-drama for her? A mis-placed pillow. Oh the horror...But, to her credit, she rolled over and went right to sleep as soon as her pillow was re-positioned.
Hopefully tonight will not have so much action. Canada's Next Top Model is on and I don't want any interruptions.
Web site of the day: http://needsleep.net/