While I'm trying to figure out what to blog about, bigger, more important things in the world are happening.

Teach your kids respect, understanding and empathy. Shit like this shouldn't happen.

http://ellen.warnerbros.com/2008/02/a_tragedy_that_should_never_ha.php

http://www.rememberinglawrence.org/

I'm BAAAAAA-AAAAACK!

I have so many things to blog about, and I'm a little bit ADD right how (self-diagnosed after spending a week in the States and seeing way too many commercials for medication for said ailment: scattered, yup, unable to focus, check, trouble sleeping, yup, trouble deciding what to blog about, yup).

Sooooo, because I opted to not medicate myself (didn't like the sound of the side-effects of some of the meds - particularly "watery bowls" - loved the way the announcer tried to race through that particular side-effect) I was wondering if y'all could help me choose what to write about first:

1) Grace's birthday

2) Edie's birthday

3) trip to Disney

4) days spent on the ocean

5) shark sighting

6) flight home (actually, not sure if I'm ready to re-visit that one yet)

So. What should I attempt to focus on first?

A trip to Billings Bridge

The idea:

Pick the girls up from day-care, go to Billings Bridge (our local mall where mostly seniors hang out) and get Gracie some new shoes and treat the girls to dinner at McDonalds.

The actuality:

Pick-up Grace first, who is quite excited about the proposed shoe trip. Pick-up Edie who immediately begins to whine for home because she is tired. Tears. Poor thing. I compromise and promise that she can go shopping in the luxury of the stroller (I never pull that thing out these days!) Happiness. We get to the mall, the girls are hungry, we head upstairs to Mcdonalds. Edie sees the escalator and starts to pitch a fit because she wants to go on it instead of the elevator. I say no because the stroller can’t go on the escalator. Tears. We compromise with the promise that Edie can press the buttons on the elevator. Happiness. Grace buds in front of us and presses the buttons on the elevator. Tears. We get upstairs and I have no cash and McDonalds’ debit is down. Have to go back downstairs to the bank machine. More tears over the escalator being denied, but Grace is kind enough to let Edie press the buttons. Money acquired. Back upstairs, by now girls are conditioned to the elevator. Get to McDick’s and debit is now working (grrrrrr). Girls pick out toys they want in their Happy Meal, only to be told that only “Boy” toys are left. Tears. They get their food and I stop the tears by letting them have juice with dinner (a HUGE deal in our family). Happiness. Edie my picky-eater insists on rubbing her fries on the table before eating them. I insist that she stops. Tears. I give her some juice. Happiness. Girls want to go on mechanical horse, I tell them they can but the *horse is broken* so they can just pretend to ride it. Happiness. Some dick-head comes by and says he wants to give his little girl a ride, sticks her on and pops some loonies in and off she goes. Tears, And now meanoldmommy is a meanoldlyingmommy. I tell them we can go down the escalator now. Happiness. I am holding the stroller, Edie’s hand, and Grace decides that she is too scared to go down without a hand too (normally she is fine). I tell her no, I have to hold the little one’s hand and bring the stroller down. Tears. But she sucks it up and goes down. Happiness. We get to the shoe store. Edie immediately starts trying on shoes. I tell her that we are here for Grace. Tears. Helpful shoe person tells me that there is a buy one get one ½ price deal. Happiness. Girl measures Edie’s feet, she is size 8. I have been putting her little sausages into size 6 shoes. Tears (me for being a bad mother). Edie gets new Dora shoes. Happiness. Grace gets new gold and pink shoes. Happiness. We traipse off to get ice-cream. Happiness. Grace has to the bathroom. I’m non-commital. She tells me it’s #2. Tears. We go off to find washroom, but Edie wants ice-cream now. Tears. We find the bathroom. Happiness. Both girls use the facility. Happiness. We go get ice-cream – a cone for me and Grace, a bowl for Edie. . Edie wants a cone too. Tears. I give her mine. Happiness. The girls work out their sugar-high by dancing in the lobby of Billings Bridge. Lots of old people are very happy watching them. So am I.

So, do you remember this post?
Well, to summarize, I hate Bratz. Grace was on board with that, but as of late she has been softening towards them. I’ve made it pretty clear that I won’t buy her anything Bratz related. Yesterday we were going shoe shopping, and we were talking about what kind of shoes to buy. She quietly said Bratz shoes, looking at me sheepishly. I took a deep breath and explained that Mommy wouldn’t be buying her Bratz shoes – then I asked her why she likes Bratz so much. Her answer? “Because Mommy, Chloe looks just like you and I love you so I love her!”
Strangely, that is one of the sweetest things I think she has ever said to me.
Crop-tops and lip injections, here I come!

Mirrors should think longer before they reflect. ~Jean Cocteau

The great thing about going to Florida this time is year is that winter is half over and it provides a much needed break from the Season That Sucks Ass.

The not so great thing about going to Florida this time of year is that my skin has had about 4-5 months to incubate a pasty-white shade that might inspire Benjamin Moore to name a paint after me (who wouldn’t want to paint their walls a solid shade of “Cadaverous Karen”???)

I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some self-tanning. Did you know that you can’t slather on self-tanner like you would your moisturizer? I’m the kind of gal who likes to beat personal best times of moisturizing – if I can get it done in under a minute, I’m high-fiving myself in a steamed up mirror. Well, apparently after reading the self-tanner bottle, you need to exfoliate (huh?) moisturize (whaaa?) then rub the self-tanner on in small, even circles around your body (d-oh!) Talk about high maintenance! My steps involved washing myself with shampoo (couldn’t find soap) and then deducing that the self-tanner would have moisturizing elements to it thus eliminating the need to moisturize. I guess that’s why my body looks like caramel swirl ice cream this morning.

So. Two questions: 1) How do get rid of the brown ripples from my body and 2) Tanning beds or Mystic Tan?

Thanks Alison for allowing to me hone my lazy side. Copying directly from her, see below:

"It's the mp3 player oracle. The rules: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING."

How does the world see you?

Barbie Girl by Tsunami Bomb
(I wonder if that‘s why no one takes me seriously at work!)

Will I have a happy life?

Still in Hollywood – Concrete Blonde
(hmmm, I may win that Oscar yet!)

What do my friends really think of me?

Freedom – George Michael
(Cool)

Do people secretly lust after me?

Heartbreak Hotel – Elvis Presley
(uh-huh)

How can I make myself happy?

The KKK Took My Baby Away – The Misfits
(but I love Jo! And there’s no KKK in Ottawa, is there?)

What should I do with my life?

Oh Boy – Buddy Holly
(yup, that’s what I say!)

Will I ever have children?

Kickstart My Heart – Motley Crue
(hmmm, guess that’s I got two kids in the first place!)

What is some good advice for me?

Fergilicious – Fergie
(ah yes, the much respected life-coach known as Fergie )

How will I be remembered?

Love Will Tear Us Apart – Joy Division
(happy happy memories!)

What is my signature dancing song?

Bad Reputation – Joan Jett
COOL!

What do I think my current theme song is?

Renegades of Funk – Rage Against the Machine
(Really?)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

*this is so embarrassing*
Stars are Blind – Paris Hilton
(no comment – too busy deleting song from MP3)

What song will play at my funeral?

Suspicious Minds – Elvis Presley
(geez!)

What type of men/women do you like?
I’ve Got My Friends – Ducky Boys
(hmmm, simply stated)

What is my day going to be like?

Ending of a Story – Neverending White Lights
(but I just woke up!?)

Awesome. You (yes you) should do this. Email me/post the results.

Psssst….Can you keep a secret?

So the girls’ birthdays are coming up, Feb. 20 and Feb. 21st (go ahead, insert the “we have sex once a year” joke here). The gift this year? A trip to Disneyworld in Orlando. Yup – two days in the Magic Kingdom courtesy of my great in-laws. The kicker? The girls know nothing about this trip. Nor will they know the ultimate destination until we drive in the Happiest Place in the World. This will be Edie’s first plane ride and Grace’s 2nd (she traveled with us to New York City when she was just shy of a year). I have been instructed to pack nothing for the girls, as my mother-in-law has been down south for a month now and has pretty much bought out Target of their 3 year old and 6 year old clothes. After Disney, we drive to West Palm Beach for 5 days in a condo on a beach. How awesome is all of this?

A few questions:

1) Are we freaking crazy for springing this on the kids? I think it’s a hoot, but that’s coming from a 35 year old gal who likes surprises. Do almost 3 and almost 6 year olds like big surprises like this?

2) Once in the Magic Kingdom, any things to avoid? What are the not to be missed things?

3) The plane ride is only three hours, but any ideas to keep the girls busy for the flight?

We are so lucky and fortunate to have the opportunity. My first trip to Disney was when I was 11 and I was a little old for “It’s a Small World”. It was still fun, but not quite as magical as it would’ve been if I was younger.

Put down your glass of milk!

Do you like Sarah Silverman? Do you like Matt Damon (you will after this!)? Do you like the f-word?

Put your headphones on if you are at work, put earmuffs on the kids if you are at home, this is the funniest thing I've seen this year!

(I guess this can be used as evidence that I look at Perez Hilton)